What signs have you obeyed that now must be ignored?

"I have always wanted to go outside barefoot, but my mom said I can't." This was coming from a 60+-year-old man I met while walking barefoot on a packed clay path through a wooded state park. This got me thinking about all the things we do because of what we were told in the past. At some point, we take responsibility for our actions and are accountable to our hopes and dreams. This gentleman has wanted to walk outside barefoot for 60 years and is still reticent to make the dream a reality. He could have achieved this dream in less than 60 seconds, yet rules from a half a century ago keep him locked in his shoes. The world is chock full of signs telling us what to do, think and feel. This direction may have been correct, misguided or the result of a marketing ploy to sell a product. Other signs were from those that meant harm; "you're a loser", "you're not creative", "you can't do math", "you're worthless". The internal resistance also posts signs when we are least expecting; "you look terrible and feel even worse", "you're late, just like always" and "you know you're going to blow this job interview". It is our choice to determine what signs we must obey and those we choose to ignore. It must be a conscious choice as the natural tendency is to obey all posted signs, regardless of source. You were told there was only One Way; is that still true? Your Green Light type A personality drives you to go, go, go for an 80 hour week; is it time to Slow or Stop. You have been sitting at the Red Light waiting for the permissive Green Light to pursue the new idea; it is time to Go. You have been told Do Not Enter, however, you know you must and yet you stand petrified; it is time to Enter. You don't have the right credentials so you Need Not Apply; charge the gates and make them tell you "no" until you get your "yes". Some of my neon signs that light up the night say "Vulnerability is Dangerous, Do Not Proceed", "No Creative Present", "Your Words are Irrelevant", "You're Wasting Your Time" and "Posting is Dangerous". I can't tell you who posted the signs, but they are there and they must be ignored if this post is to see the light of day. Not all signs are to be jettisoned, but intentionally selecting your signage will give you the freedom to make a 60-year-old dream a reality in 60 seconds or less. Go make it happen!

What signs do you obey every day? What signs need to be uprooted? What signs need to be replaced? How can you help those around you replace signage? 

How do you dwell with chaos?

SILENCE!!! I can't think with all the noise!! Sound familiar? No matter how much we appreciate order and efficiency, it can often feel like the universe is conspiring to ensure neatness is never achieved. Surely, mocking the nirvana of order. Commuter roadways are snarled, subways are down for maintenance and there is no hope of the honey-do list being complete or all the legos in their proper bin. As we seek the ethereal; there is a benefit to intentionally inserting a bit of chaos to ensure we can handle the demon when it arrives uninvited. The military trains in chaos to ensure the soldiers body and mind is ready for battle and resists panic. My cousin will move homes every couple of years, change his clothing style or shift jobs to ensure he is always growing and ready for whatever comes his way. The Princess Brides, Man in Black spent years building up an immunity to iocane powder to defend against the chaos of someone like Vizzini, the Sicilian, in the battle of wits. Everyday it rains, author Josh Waitzkin, takes his young son outside to play in the rain. His son is learning to dwell with the chaos of weather and finding that his mood or schedule won't be dictated by falling temperatures or precipitation. To embrace this mindset guards against the panic that accompanies uncertainty. Preparation may take the form of putting a breakdown kit in the trunk, buying bottled water before a hurricane or even building a bunker in case of nuclear disaster. Where ever you are at in the "preparation for chaos" scale, it may be time for some adventure and invite a little chaos.

How do you handle uncertainty? How can you insert bits of chaos to build immunity? How can you use this idea with your business and family? 

How are your kids more adept than you?

I would like to say that I am the perfect humble father that didn't have to think about this question and had a list at the tip of my tongue. I am not. I am often far more aware of shortcomings than I am of strengths. This inquiry still applies to co-workers, friends and family if you don't have kids; no one gets a free pass on this one. My kids have me beat in athletics, disciplined planning, fashion sense, financial stewardship and mathematics. Given more time, I can figure out more. I had to put the Superman tights away early in my fatherhood career. If I am conscious of particular strengths of a particular human, then I won't color them a failure and write them off when it is discovered that they are not perfect in all things. Perfection is exhausting and unsustainable; a relationship can't survive the weight of this expectation. An air of humble graciousness will provide the opportunity for our humanity to flourish, flaws and all. I have tried living the perfect life, and after hitting the reset button, I am good for a good six minutes before reaching for the button again. If you are willing to buy into this for your kids, your own flesh and blood, how about for someone else's kid? Like your employees, your boss, your neighbor or the guy scanning your food at the checkout counter. The world is starving for these gracious exchanges and you have a choice with your next interaction; making a difference is worth it.

How do you express your appreciation of your kid's strengths? How do you encourage their growth? How often do you tell your stories of failure? Are you more aware of their failures or successes? How are they farther along when you were at their age?

How do you demonstrate persistence in your work?

Apparently, day 75 was the magic number. I sat to write and the normal excitement of my daily writing and posting was lacking. This is where reality hits, the honeymoon is over and persistence kicks in. I needed help, so I looked to a generous hero for a kick in the pants. I found the 6,000th blog post by Seth Godin and he discusses SUSDAT; show up, sit down and type. Even Charmin doesn't dull the pain from the kick, but I am grateful. I don't do public math, but there is a big difference between 6,000 and 75, and 6,000 is an inspiring number. Doing the work requires persistence even if the feeling is lacking. Notice, the inquiry is not about your job that you trade hours for dollars, but your work. Your work is what you choose to invest your time and effort into, regardless of pay, and reflects who you are. Do you paint, code, trace family history or coach the soccer team? What does persistence look like when you need to show up? I discuss inquiries and challenge readers to do some deeper thinking and showing up looks like daily shipping my art. The universe conspires to bog us down, just as gravity eventually pulls the most powerful bullet to the ground. The energy, the fire, the motivation to keep going and pushing against the resistance is critical to maintain. Pushing out one more rep, selling one more box of Girl Scout cookies or editing the pages just one more time. Inspiration helps when the mind and body are weary, but these are causes you have determined are worthy of your attention, regardless of a feeling. Now is the time for persistence to produce your work and ship your art; we are waiting.

Thanks Seth, I needed your help.

Where do you look for motivation to persist? What are your work goals? What is the commitment you have made to yourself? Who do you call to keep you moving? What favorite sayings keep you moving? What question did I miss?

What scares you?

The Doctor said "I have determined that your problem is from the neck up", I laughed in response and said, "nobody that knows me will argue with that diagnosis". The final diagnosis proved to be a dissected carotid artery that would heal with no side effects in 90 days from the date of occurrence. Although, for six weeks in 2014, I was coming to terms with the initial diagnosis of an extremely aggressive form of Multiple Sclerosis or ALS and facing a short-term painful death. At the same time, along with millions around the world, I poured a bucket of ice water over my head to raise money for the ALS cause, however, I expected to do it again with the announcement that I had the disease. I have a strong faith, so the thought of death wasn't terrifying but I was not looking forward to the dying process or the impact to my family. I started to have discussions and make preparations for the end game and get my projected date of death. I lived with this realization for six weeks. As it turned out, the blood tests were erroneous and I would be fine. Receiving this correct diagnosis scared me more than the original diagnosis. For six weeks, my life had crystal clear focus, all I had to do was to love my family and plan my last days. But now, assuming a bus didn't clip me crossing the street or some form of cancer didn't take me out; it was reasonable to assume that I would live to a ripe old age of 88 or beyond. That meant I was just given 44 years of life and I was only at the mid-point. I didn't have to do the childhood again, so I could have a 20-year career doing good work, not just once, but twice before pushing up daisies. People receive fateful news every day and would gladly trade everything they have to be in my shoes. I don't concern myself about the method of the end but I know I don't want to be one of the masses that Thoreau writes about living "lives of quiet desperation".  We must set aside the things that scare us and be far more concerned about living a life of noisy inspiration, so let's make some noise together! 

The top fears in America are public speaking, heights, snakes and drowning; how can you relate? What is a step you can take to challenge your fears? What opportunities are you passing up because of fear? What would be the upside of overcoming your fears?

How has travel changed you?

“The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page.” – Saint Augustine

I have had a chance to read a few pages in my lifetime and it has been a life changing experience. I have drank a pint of Guinness on a British aircraft carrier, eaten fruit in the home of an Omani Army linguist, got lost at the Tower of London, allowed a Barbary macaque monkey sit on my head in Gibralter, bought my wife earrings in Crete, watched a body building competition in Key West, camped at Havasupai Falls at the base of the Grand Canyon, ridden a glider over the beaches in Maui and a few other fun items over the years. These experiences have had an impact on how I see the world. I have yet to stay long enough to be immersed in a foreign land; I have only dipped my toes. A co-worker was discussing her assignment in Europe and the difference an extended stay makes as you appreciate the subtleties and witness the framework that an entire country is built upon. The time allowed her to develop friendships, bond with the local families and live life together. The return home takes time to acclimate to seeing your old home through new eyes. A purpose of travel is to learn about the person you have become after your return home.

How did your mindset change? What was your biggest surprise? What is a favorite memory? Where would you like to return and why? What was an insight you learned about yourself during your trip? 

What are you defending?

These are the topics that require a response even if protocol screams to remain silent. Popular opinion or not, a response must happen or you know the silence will gnaw at you until it is resolved. It may be the political battles of our day; the right to life or a right to choose, free speech or censorship, democrat or republican, give me a chance to give it a thumbs up on Facebook and I am in. In other cases, not quite as lofty; I am always on guard to defend rights; my right to a Starbucks coffee made just so, my right to be first in line at the red light and my right to exclaim why my team is going to win the playoffs and your team will fail. Then there is the internal defense; don't talk to me about my finances, don't question how I raise my kids, how I speak to my wife or spend my time. These topics are off limits unless you agree with me. I look at what I am defending a bit like running... yeah, stick with me for a moment, I have a point and I am sure this will offend some runners along the way. For some, this will be a twofer, get a new perspective and offend runners. A friend mentioned he doesn't do complex exercises due to marginal hand-eye coordination, so he just runs because it isn't complex. This conclusion works well if you run well, but the problem arises when the body is not ready to run and starts to break down and injury occurs. Chronic pain is not normal and the ability to run pain-free is the baseline for the human frame. If you sit hunched over a desk for eight hours, sit during the commute followed by collapsing on a big comfy couch each day, the muscles and tendons won't be ready for a five mile run after a 30 second warm up and cool down four times a week. You may be better off if you have had your walking and running gait evaluated to reduce stress on the body and ensure the stride is efficient. Proper form will keep you upright to ensure breathing isn't too laborious and the body is moving at top efficiency? Recently, an elderly runner was barely into his trip with a strong heel strike and with each footfall, his body shuddered from the impact, starting to hobble within 1/10th of a mile. A long-time runner may say "I know what I am doing, I just get out and run. I have been doing it for years, so don't question my experience". Welcome to the Department of Defense. The ability to listen and have a healthy debate while the heavy artillery remains in storage gives an opportunity to learn and grow. Just because you have a perspective doesn't mean you won't change. We must expect to grow and change; those that don't are in the embrace of atrophy and death.

What are your sacred cows? How are you easily offended? What topics require you roll out the heavy artillery? What topics has your position you softened? What topics are you more resolute about today? What question should I have asked?

What is a beautiful tradition you have discovered?

This weekend I participated in a celebration honoring the High School graduation of a family friend. The family is originally from Kenya and they made a big deal out of marking this milestone. Not by massive spending or a guest list hundreds long, but in being intentional about honoring the hard work invested and the trials that had been overcome by both the graduate and the parents. The guests were asked to share words of wisdom to encourage and prepare her for what lies ahead in college. As I was recounting the celebration to my son, I acknowledged that I have not led well over the years in marking significant events for the family and I intend to change my practice. These cultural traditions add a beauty and complexity to the human experience as we learn the significance and practice of people groups different than our own. I have seen the pomp and circumstance of the Changing Of The Guard at Buckingham Palace, the celebration of New Years in Times Square, the sobering stride at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington Cemetery and been to see the Blarney Stone, but too afraid to actually kiss it. These traditions and ceremonies bring history forward to today and encourage connection with the past. 

What traditions have you participated in? What have you witnessed? What traditions or ceremony do you want to see? What traditions have you started? What are your favorite celebrations? 

Who is your father?

This inquiry goes deeper than just a name. My father, Jim Woodward, was a great man, who I loved and respected, deeply. He wasn't perfect, he was human, and this has relieved a bit of pressure as I have sought to raise my kids. I have told them for years that they will spend plenty of time on a psychologist's couch as a result of me being their father. Every father has been human, experiencing highs and lows, with fatherhood being a component of their story. We may meet a stranger, strike up a conversation and after an hour, have learned more about who they are as a person than we ever learned about the guy that tried to raise us. There is the surface layer of the resume, the deeper layer of his experiences, and then the core of his motivations and beliefs. Many of the older generation shied away from acknowledging or discussing this deeper level of who they are. These were the guardrails he would have used to guide his care and leadership of you. For some, this relationship was difficult and it pains me to hear stories about where things went wrong. If you are willing to extend forgiveness and seek reconciliation, learning who he was as an individual, may help the process. My family bought me a couple Fathers Day shirts and I selected one with french cuffs, that I don't normally wear. Ensuring I didn't need to add any accessories to the order, I spent some time looking through the cuff links, tie clips and lapel pins in had inherited from my dad. I was reminded that he loved his family and this country, he was proud of me and my time in the Navy and he was proud of his association with the DeMolay organization. I would submit, I experienced the way it is supposed to be, however, he has passed. For those that still have Dad around, I would urge a phone call, soda on the porch or wetting a line, but take advantage of the opportunity to get to know the man.

What was your father's experience with his father? What principles have guided your father through his life and when were these principles most challenged? Who and what were the shaping influences in his life? What do you most appreciate about your father? What have you learned about him that surprised you?

How far ahead do you plan?

I saw this sign on the way to the Finger Lakes in New York and knew there was a blog post just waiting to be written. No doubt you know who in your close circle is like you and who is different when discussing planning. Are your weekends planned in 15-minute increments or do you default to spontaneity? The good news is that you can find plenty of others on the Internet, to vehemently agree with your position and lambaste the opponents. As with most topics, the healthy position is probably somewhere in the middle. In an effort to have a healthy marriage, my wife and I are different and this gives us plenty of opportunities to communicate. She would like a bit more planning and I am good with a bit more free flow. Thankfully, neither of us are at the extremes as this may force too much communication and perhaps a conflict or two. How well do you know yourself, your tendencies and how this affects those close to you? Our planning style can have a huge negative impact on those around us. Too much may feel like micro-managing and too little may not give the leadership and direction required for the organization. Since my tendency leans toward less planning, I have to set up auto-pay services to ensure the bills are paid in a timely manner and include appointments on the phone calendar to ensure I arrive on time. Planning is similar to eating a healthy diet; there are always little improvements that can be tweaked to get us a bit closer to our goals. Short-term tweaks may include saying "no" to the donut and long-term may include getting the retirement plan squared-away. Regardless of your increments, whether 1 or a Million miles, buckle up and enjoy the ride; you may even consider seeing what is at the end of that dirt road that isn't on the map.

How does your workplace support your default planning personality? What elements of planning do you need to improve? What elements of planning do you need to plan in flexibility? How do you use your planning defaults to hide? How has your planning changed? What tactics do you use to overcome planning weaknesses?

How do you measure time?

Over the arc of our lives, it can be complicated and even get a bit muddled with the introduction of gray hair. At a recent workplace going away party, a British gentleman was recounting his time in America as he prepared to head back across the pond. He opened his remarks with the statement that "time is measured in people". This got me thinking on two points; 1. in all his time here, we were unsuccessful in getting him eliminate that dreadful accent and speak proper English and 2. we all have different ways in how we mark time. You probably need to go back and read No. 2 again, because No. 1 is still on your mind. Relax, a bit of banter is authorized. When you think back and count time, how is it cataloged in your mind? Is it with a location, type of work, earnings, housing situation, quantity of children or as my British friend stated, by people. I bounce around through several of these options as I recount my life and I often get people mixed up for the time period I knew them. Although, I do try to connect a familiar face with other faces that we would have had in common to give me a chance at a connection. Did I know them in High School, the Navy or the first job out of the service; and in some cases, I get to display humility and just ask. Time may be measured by a new Christmas ornament, pets, a mark on the door frame, tattoos, or the yellowed pictures in a box under the bed. A former Navy boss and his family would track their history by adding another duty station location to a wall decoration prominently hanging in the kitchen. As I reflect, I would have to say that people are what I most strongly remember and therefore the Brit was right, but let's just keep that between you and me.

How does your mind best catalog memories? How are your senses brought to bare to measure time? What are your family traditions to mark time? How do you intentionally measure time?

How do you embrace your eccentricity?

I have worked very hard to fit the image of the white collar professional and it has been boring. There was nothing that distinguished me from a thousand other suits. I was surprisingly pleased today when I was told that my eccentricities would be missed as I take a new job next month. For so long, I have been strictly focused on my family, job, church and education, leaving little time for outside interests. As the kids have grown a bit and other things have cleared from the plate, I am taking the opportunity to figure out what is on my list of likes and dislikes. My baseline diet is Paleo so I eat grass-fed/finished beef and cricket flour in EXO products. I am a huge fan of Kelley Starrett and his work through Mobility WOD so I work my shoe-less feet on a lacrosse ball at my standing desk, made of copier paper boxes. I am a follower of Jesus. I spend time falling off a slackline. I practice mindfulness meditation. I sneeze loudly; only once is needed. I volunteer in the local startup scene and working to start my own project. I am pleased embrace the growing list of things that would earn me the eccentric label. Developing interests outside of my core responsibilities promises a more interesting conversation if we get stuck in an airport. It has taken a long time for me to embrace this eccentricity. Do you feel the freedom to express your thinking and your interests? Fear of what others think about me has been a long-standing problem that I have been working to weaken through seeking out ways to be vulnerable.

What interests are you ready to embrace publicly? What keep you from sharing your eccentricities? What is one of your funny eccentricities? What questions did I miss on this topic?

What is your contribution to the current work environment?

Everyday you bring a spark to the workplace; it's your choice if it ignites a flame of positivity or destruction. You will have an impact one way or another, regardless if this is your dream job or long term career. Two Sundays ago, we visited a Noodles and Company, in Frederick Maryland. Another customer accepted our order and threw the already short staff, for a loop. The Assistant Manager delivered our meal 30 minutes after our order was placed, in what normally takes 5-7 minutes. She was apologetic and invited us back to see how their normal service. We returned this Sunday and as promised, the Assistant Manager provided service that was amazingly quick and the food was delicious. Valuable lessons can be learned by living life in the crucible. I asked what she learned from the experience the previous week. She explained how she had thought a lot about what had happened, the importance of customer engagement early and often, and outlined what she would do differently next time. I was encouraged to see that she took the opportunity to make the most of a difficult situation and as a result, I think the Assistant Manager at Noodles and Company is a keeper. Well Done! I didn't see the enthusiasm of the team falter during our first visit and it caused me to consider my response when the heat gets turned up in the crucible at work or home life. Every customer or co-worker engagement is an opportunity to make a difference. Work itself is laborious enough without you and I being an additional burden and I doubt your job description includes the requirement to be a source of misery. I had been challenged to leave each person I interact with, better than when I found them. This is a lofty goal, but worthy.

How do you choose to engage those at work? Would you want to have you as a co-worker? How would your customers and co-workers rate your impact on the work environment; positive or negative? What is one step you can take to improve your work environment? Who is a worthy role model and what characteristic do you admire?

What are you taking for granted?

This inquiry is easy to answer, but painful. I am quick to overlook the love, care and long-suffering of my wife and kids. I overlook the freedoms I enjoy as a citizen of the US and the blessings of living in a first-world country. Too quickly, my impatience shows while standing in line or anger erupts when cut-off in traffic. In some cases, it is with the outside voice and other times it remains internal. The heat or A/C modify the temperature upon command, the car starts with the twist of a key and the paycheck clears every two weeks. It's 80 degrees Fahrenheit, gentle breeze blowing, sangria on the porch, writing a blog post, connected to the Internet that is connected to the world and amazing people like you. My heart breaks for those that lost their lives in a night club in Orlando and the families that began their mourning today. By the time you read this, it will have been 24 hours since 50 people were murdered and countless others maimed. Let's not take this life for granted.

Who and what are you grateful for?

How do you evaluate risk?

Riding in a plane doesn't seem risky to me, but for some, it feels too risky and they will forgo the convenience of quick air travel. The climber that scales a wall with her strength, a rope and anchors in the rock face seems too risky and keeps most on the ground, missing the spectacular views reserved for the willing. For those that trust the dynamics of lift and thrust that keep the plane in flight or inspected the climbing rope, there is little risk. The entrepreneur that sees an opportunity evaluates risk differently because she knows the details and is working through them as carefully as the climber. I still marvel at how a properly shaped wing can provide lift to maintain an entire plane in the sky and no matter how many times I stand on a precipice, I still maintain a safe distance from the edge. The reality is that I am safe in either case, but I struggle to believe the truth of physics. The risk of a catastrophic failure of the plane is minuscule, just as the odds of an rock face giving way the moment I am standing upon it are virtually incalculable. We carry these risk assessments with us everyday; what stranger can I say "hi" to, what opportunity can I explore or who can I lend a hand. These assumptions are at our operating system level of who we are, driving our decisions and will do so without us even thinking. This inquiry is to take a moment to understand how you personally evaluate risk in your life and business. Dr. Ben Carson explained that his process was to look at the best and worse case of taking the risk and not taking the risk. This evaluation would provide four boundaries to help override irrational thoughts. Regardless of political leaning, this was his process for important decisions about conducting tasks such as brain surgery. We are all thankful that I am not the guy with knife in hand, but we should be conscious about our own process for evaluating risk and not leave it to a default.

What is your risk evaluation process? Do you have different processes between personal and business? Who do you know that has an effective process you respect? Have you missed opportunities because you have erred on the side of caution? When did you take too much risk and paid consequences? How do you fear taking risks?