How were you courageous as a youth?

Troy had curly black hair, was a couple of years older, towered at least two feet over me, and muscles that would have caused the Terminator to think twice.

Well, maybe he was only a few inches taller and had the average 8th grade build. Perhaps, time has calibrated my memory. Troy terrorized my early days of Middle School through daily intimidation. I was not beaten up, but his presence caused me to change direction or backtrack for avoiding a confrontation.

Everything changed in a moment, with a flash of courage. I was wearing a stylish black fake motorcycle jacket with silver zippers on the chest. The kind of cool jacket that only the early 80's could produce. The day of reckoning occurred one afternoon outside the gym. Troy ran up to me and said he could spit in one of my open zipper pockets. With knees trembling, I stood my ground, replied "yes you could" and pushed my way past him.

I don't remember much of what I learned in school over those years, but I do know that Troy was never a problem again. This display of courage may have been one of my greatest lessons I remember; thanks, Troy.

In The Gifts Of Imperfection, writer and research professor, Brene Brown references an earlier version that is closer to the Latin root; "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." This definition supports the courage you and I can exhibit each day as challenges come our way. Most are not running from lions for survival or running into burning buildings to save lives.

Our courage challenge is to remain faithful to who we are as individuals. To stand up for who we are, the causes we believe, speaking for the voiceless and changing at least our corner of the world becomes our mission. Pushing back on the internal resistance that demands cowering to fears and temptations, is when courage is on full display.

Youthful moments of courage can prove to be defining moments and the seeds for today's courage. The courage of vulnerable living, creating your art and shipping it to the world, and choosing gratitude in the face of a trial are a few of the daily demonstrations. The world is awaiting your courage and will be less without it.

Going Further: What is your story of youthful courage? Did your circumstances dictate a consistent type of courage? How did this early exposure to courage influence your life today?

How do you resolve conflicts with friends?

Friends are one of our greatest assets and a critical component of the human experience. Any reflection of our history will include those friends that walked the road by our side. The faces and memories flash before our mind's eye, like flipping through a Classic ViewMaster.

What happens when disagreements arise and escalate to conflict? Conflict is part of the human condition, no need to shy away from the reality. It is safe here. 

In Managing Conflict Through Communication, authors Dudley D. Cahn and Ruth Anna Abigail, explain the resolution phase will end in one of two orientations; either resolution or management. When a resolution has occurred, both parties are satisfied. Dissatisfied and risk of the issue resurfacing are characteristics of a management orientation.

Do you typically resolve or manage your conflicts? I have been working at my ability to bring a conflict to a resolution. To be clear, this does not imply arrival or perfection. Several factors have been at work to spur this growth. 

Brene Brown's work on vulnerability has been helpful to recognize what I am thinking and feeling, and what recordings are playing in my mind. Laziness has been another factor in resolving conflict. Yeah, one-time laziness is good. It takes so much energy to stay angry and hold a grudge, I just don't have it. I want to use my limited resources and strength to concentrate on things that matter for good.

Conflict is a two-party affair, but evaluating what I bring to the battle has been helpful; while assuming the friend has their issues to work through.

Once I have taken the time to understand what I desired, but did not get; I am on a path to resolving things. Did I want to be heard, respected, to be found correct, or did I perceive that my rights were violated? What was it that I really wanted? Was the other party in a position to listen? How can I communicate my desires to the other person, it a manner they will adequately hear?

How have you grown in your ability to resolve conflicts? What tactics do you use to prevent conflicts? Do you have any unresolved conflicts with friends; what steps can you take to bring the dispute to a resolution? Do you have hope for reconciliation? What friendship became stronger after resolving a conflict?

Photo: Little Chapel in the Woods, Texas Women's University, Denton Texas.