How do you develop trust?

You are probably a bigger risk taker than you realized. To pursue trust is to risk compromise. In the book Give and Take, author Adam Grant, states that "we struggle mightily when guessing who's a genuine giver." We want to trust a giver and not a taker because we don't want to get taken. Since you are reading this, you have lived long enough to discover that some people are not looking out for your best interest and don't deserve your trust. Welcome to the human condition; now what do you do with this experience?

I lean toward trusting and perhaps, a bit too quick. This tendency has provided plenty of opportunities to refine my judgment. My discernment is still not properly calibrated. My wife cringes if a sales guy shows up at the door. As a result, if you have anything to sell, stop by my other home and give your best pitch to whoever answers the door; the address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC 20500. You can't miss it.

What is the gauntlet you require a new contact to run, before extending trust? Our requirements may be different for new additions to our family, work, and play networks. Who we let into the inner circle can be complicated, and we don't hand out manuals to new friends to provide guidance. Common denominators include the long time it takes to build trust and mere seconds to destroy it. It is through referrals that we transfer the trust of the original relationship to the new relationship. If the referred doesn't deliver, we tend not to hold it against our reliable source, the first time. If it continues, cracks form in the initial relationship and damage control is required.

Going Further: What is your process when you want to build trust? How do you go on the offense when you start a relationship on the way to building trust? How does this change for each of your relational networks? When did extending trust early work out for you? How has your willingness to trust evolved over the years? How has your discernment improved?

In the interest of building trust; the address above is not mine.

What tactics do you use to get to "yes"?

A sales representative driving to a "yes, I will buy and here is the money", the mom pitching the PTA about how to spend the earnings from the bake sale, the politician seeking to earn your vote or getting approval from the boss for next fiscal years technology investment. Every day, we are seeking to convince others to move in our direction and will use various tactics to win those invested to our side. 

We recently sought approval of a significant project and were ultimately unsuccessful winning over the approval authority. It was brutal to accept the result as we reflected on the effort expended to achieve the objective. We fell short communicating the plan and building trust that this right plan was executable. 

I will always remember how Nancy Pelosi was able to navigate the political system and gain the required votes gain approval of the Affordable Care Act  several years ago. Against all the odds, she was successful. Business books are full of examples of successful leaders that have reached a "yes" through tough negotiating tactics or building consensus. What's in your toolbox?

How do you determine who to engage? How do you build consensus? How do you know you're making progress? What "yes" are you most proud of?