How do you express thankfulness?

All action movies end in the same way. The heroine is smudged with black soot in just the right places, clothing is shredded enough to show sexy abs, and the high heels are long gone. The hero emerges from the wreckage with either alien blood or the villain's blood mingled with his own and arrives at his lover's side in time to see the sun setting on a world unforeseen.

The characters overflow with gratitude to be alive and relieved Earth's destruction is averted for another day. These two emotions, gratitude, and relief comprise thankfulness. The hero's journey provides the perfect outline for you and me to identify where we most encounter thankfulness.

The heroine gives the hero a kiss (gratitude) for saving her life (relief). The hero shakes the police chief's hand (gratitude) for the backup at the critical moment to avert his untimely death (relief).

How do you express thankfulness?

This is tricky since we have to provide the second component, relief. Most often, I only deliver on the gratitude. If I want to express thankfulness to my wife for dinner, I need to nail both elements.

Thankfulness would look something like, "Thank-you for dinner, the flavors worked well together, and without it, I would have made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or gone to bed hungry. In either case, my growling stomach would have kept us both up and woken the boogie man under the bed." (Refer to the hero's journey above)

Thankfulness becomes a much richer experience for both parties when fully expressed. This exchange becomes a chance to talk about the impact of what could have happened if the intervention did not occur.

The expression of thankfulness around the Thanksgiving table becomes more intimate as family and friends share the often overlooked 'relief' component, for others to appreciate.

The good news is that this expression is not limited to one day out of the year. Every day we will encounter those that deserve our thankfulness all it takes is paying attention to the acts of kindness that occur each day.

Going Further: Do you include both components when expressing thankfulness? What response do you receive when expressing thankfulness? How do you feel and what do you think when someone thanking you cites specific actions and how it has impacted their life? How can you improve your thankfulness game?

How many diversity categories can you list?

To quote a great American, my wife, "what are you waiting for, New Year's?" Get writing!

1.

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8.

9.

keep going, don't stop, you are on a roll!

Going Further: When thinking about diversity, how do you limit yourself? What false barriers do you erect? What categories can you push deeper into and make subcategories? What perceptions does this exercise challenge?

How does the call of diversity, make you nervous?

We hate change and embracing diversity demands change.

It is easier to keep an arm's length from those that are different. I don't need to learn a new language, experience another culture, or expand my group of friends. No need to spend time adjusting my preconceived notions that may have been slightly askew.

The effect goes beyond trying a new restaurant.

As the foundations of apartheid in South Africa began to crumble, the white minorities in authority, were to realize a loss of power, influence, and wealth. As much as the progressives wanted the grievous practice to end, there was apprehension about how diversity would be embraced across the country. In a single day, the black majority embraced diversity with the white minority, as equal.

The Palestinian father's stomach is knotted as his youngest daughter, with fingers interlaced, pulls her Israeli boyfriend up the front walkway.

As the father in Fiddler On The Roof, Tevye, struggles with changing times and reminisces about the importance of tradition. Diversity pushes its way into the family by the love interest of each daughter. After all, this is how he has seen the world all his life, and now things are changing.

There will always be some new frontier that society will push to embrace as the next level of diversity. Your sure footing will be loosened by the interconnected world coming to your doorstep. Constant change is here to stay.

Going Further: How has a call to diversity arrived on your doorstep? How have you struggled to embrace diversity? What has been one benefit to diversity?

What do you demand of your elected leaders?

Campaign promises are lofty ideals of the best case scenario, delivered to a particular constituency, to win an election. The campaign requires promises to win enough votes to beat the next most successful candidate, not win the hearts of the populous.

The elected candidate cannot deliver on all promises; either good or bad. Winning an election and competent governance are two different skill sets.

President Harry S. Truman said, "I’m proud that I’m a politician. A politician is a man who understands government, and it takes a politician to run a government. A statesman is a politician who's been dead ten or fifteen years."

Candidate, elected politician, and statesman are the three phases of elected office. Per Truman's definition, only after pushing up daisies will the history books anoint a statesman. Rarely will the title of statesman be bestowed upon the official.

What do you expect from those that carried the election?

The US Marine Corps imbues fourteen leadership traits in preparation for battle; justice, judgment, dependability, integrity, decisiveness, tact, initiative, endurance, bearing, unselfishness, courage, knowledge, loyalty, and enthusiasm. This list seems like a good place to start for any official.

What other traits do you add?

I hold leaders to a high standard, but no longer force a pedestal under their toes. I am too aware of my failure to achieve perfection and disappointed by those I have worshiped. We all have clay feet.

Going Further: How do you right-size your expectations of those we elect? What officials failed you? Who lived up to your expectations and what set them apart? What is one fear you have from this election? What is one hope you have from those elected?

How do you wait for election results?

The phone calls are done. The fundraising push is complete. Yard signs are scrapped. No need to cull the Internet for opposition dirt. TV advertisers turn full force to Christmas, still seven weeks away. Facebook will return to a cat video site. And some climb out of their cave of isolation, after trying to avoid the rancor.

Now, much of the world waits. And yet, a sizeable number are oblivious or don't care.

What if there is not a clear winner? Do we revive discussions about hanging chads? How many recounts will it take?

Networks call the Senate races. State and local questions are decided to nudge the country in different directions, like squeezing a full balloon. The news outlets internally struggle to battle the risk/reward calculus of calling a race. The coffee and energy drinks flow like water to keep everyone alert until a decision is declared.

What is your internal struggle about who wins?

Will the world actually fall off its axis if the opposition wins? Is your candidate really capable of saving the world? We voted for fallible humans, not superheroes.

Is it too early to remember the words we spoke during the runup to the election? If the votes are not looking good, do you start packing tonight in pursuit of the Canadian border?

The neighbor that shared tears and waved the flag when the towers fell has now become the ignorant hater that deserves nothing less than a social media firing squad. This righteous volley is earned because of a different opinion that is protected by the Constitution. Please take the time to listen to their reason before pressing "send." we may all learn something.

Abraham Lincoln knew the path to rebuilding the country was humility. The Confederate soldiers were allowed to return home with their weapons as a means to maintain a shred of honor.

146 million are registered to vote, and the pundits anticipate a result too close to provide a mandate for governance. 70 million is a lot of people to disregard and call misguided losers.

As the numbers tally, and your candidate wears the victor's wreath, look to Lincoln and know the path forward is paved with humility.

Enjoy the celebration tonight, for we have a country to rebuild tomorrow.

Why vote?

Duty must override enthusiasm. A sober assessment must overcome ambivalence, confusion, and fear mongering.

The water cooler discussion concludes with, "I don't identify with the candidates," therefore, I am not going to vote. The convenient option of an agreement is not available tomorrow. We are required to do the hard work and make a decision with known facts.

Every day hundreds of decisions made. Major decisions demand much energy to conduct proper research. Many have made tomorrow's decision daily since the campaigns started and it hasn't gotten any easier. Memories of the flippant Brexit voters on the evening news, flash through the mind's eye, driving home the need to make a perfect choice.

The campaigns chose to epitomize gutter politics. We can choose differently.

At least 1,319,943 military men and women have paid the ultimate sacrifice, from the Revolutionary days of 1776 to present day. Millions more went missing or were injured. Millions more returned home to build families and strengthen this country.

This Friday, the US celebrates Veterans Day, honoring those that have served the country through military service. It is fitting that tomorrow, we exercise a freedom that is unique in world history.

Our soldiers have spilled their crimson blood on foreign soil, allowing burqa-covered women in Iraq to raise a purple thumb to demonstrate their gratitude.

You and I must enter the polling booth and do the heavy lifting required to deliver the decision the country demands.

Your voice matters, and it is time to earn your "I voted" sticker.

How do you respond to panhandlers?

This inquiry is the equivalent of a DJ clearing a crowded dancefloor by playing the wrong song.

The intention is to be intellectually and emotionally honest and confront the uncomfortable questions.

The 15ish-year-old girl stood on the median at the red light. The black letters on the cardboard read, "Need help for sick family." She was lovely; black hair pulled back from her face, dressed like any other girl pulling books from a school locker. But, here she stood, not moving, eyes tethered to the ground.

She is only a couple of years younger than my daughter. I have known financial distress and endured the shame. How will this experience color her life and the lives of those that sent her out the front door?

Does she know what she is doing and just playing me as a sucker? Is there really a family member back at home, contorting in pain, counting on her ability to get a few bucks? If she is really in need, is there someone behind me that will demand more in exchange for those required few dollars?

My heart screams "change your plans, empty the wallet and bank account, give her a hug, affirm her value as a human and need to reject the shame, return her to the sick family and coordinate medical care and resolve other outstanding issues."

I didn't.

I am relieved that this one time, my cupholder is void of the $6.50 latte. The light turns green, and I turn to finish the last half mile to church. Once inside, I pray for God to help her. My list of buts is wholly unsatisfying, and my hypocrisy is a crushing weight.

How do you respond when presented with these opportunities to help? What are your rules of engagement? When do you stoop to look someone in the eyes or give a few bucks? How do you explain this situation to the kids in the back seat?

One friend keeps plastic bags with water, granola bars, and a few other items, in the car, for just this kind of situation. Some will buy food, but not cigarettes or alcohol. Others, respond with aggression and offense to being asked.

We can't sanitize the rest of our lives from meeting those in need, and there isn't a global plan to solve all problems. Inquiring of our own souls to know who stares back in the mirror is doing the required heavy lifting.

Lift.

How do you see the overlooked?

I first noticed the ominous clouds that were closing fast; then I saw the abandoned moped parked on the side of the road. A quarter of a mile later, Steve was walking along the roadside. That day was one of the rare occasions I was not late to the next appointment. I offered Steve a ride as the onslaught of rain was going to make an unfortunate experience downright dismal.

Steve was surprised and grateful for the lift. He was not expecting rain but had had an umbrella and plastic to cover his backpack. He said he was planning to walk until his pride got the better of him and would then make a phone call.

The ride to the bus station gave each of us an opportunity to engage with someone that didn't have much more in common than the direction we traveled. 

His history is full of stories and has been working at a landscaping company for the last several years. Steve is accustomed to being overlooked and being prepared for challenging circumstances to come his way.

This discussion prompted me to consider how well I know those around me that are not in my same socioeconomic group. If venturing out of my crowd, my tendency is to gravitate to those in the higher group, not the lower.

The conversation with Steve was worthwhile, and I am sure I received far more benefit from meeting.

Intellectually, I know that the Declaration of Independence states, "all men are created equal," the Bible commands "consider others more important than myself," and any other religious or moral code will reflect a similar perspective.

Moving past the intellectual and properly calibrating my thoughts, feelings, and initial judgments require constant monitoring and are hard. But, as a co-worker often says, "hard is authorized."

The circle's I build and strengthen through my friendships and social media following, ensure I remain safely in my bubble. Staying in the bubble is easy, popping the bubble and living life in the real world is hard.

Hard is authorized.

Going Further: How do you engage those in a lower socioeconomic group? How has this experience changed you? What was a memorable experience? What life lesson have you learned from your time together?

What have you sacrificed for your ambition?

sac·ri·fice. noun
An act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.

What is it that you are giving up? When the perfect partner came into your life,  was it the time with the fellas at the bar or girls night out? Did the newborn beat out all other competition? The latest job includes intense pressure to produce and requires more hours at the office and family time is set aside?

Frank discussion is the intention, not guilt.

I ran a handyman business on the side for seven years. Family discussions about late evenings or entire weekends away to make extra bucks were difficult.

I tried to make the most of the opportunity by bringing my son along to spend time with him, teach a trade and work ethic, and the need for another set of hands. Recently, he was reflecting on the experience and stated it would have been nice to take a weekend off each month vice working every weekend carrying drywall or solving plumbing issues.

Weekends at home were rare. Driving through neighborhoods, I would witness dads throwing a ball with their sons in the backyard on a lazy Saturday afternoon and would long for the same opportunity.

Anything of great value includes a sacrifice, and the fruits of our ambition demand nothing less.

What is the downside of your ambition? Clueless about the latest TV shows and movies? Is the beer belly shrinking due to less time at the local watering hole? Missed birthdays or weddings? Carrying bags under your eyes from a sleep deficit?

In hindsight, some are easier to justify than others. No one ever said changing the world is easy or painless.

Going Deeper: What ambition proved to be worth the sacrifice? What is your process for making the determination to give yourself wholly to your idea? What did you learn from an ambition that didn't turn out as desired? How does this experience inform your future

When have you seen ambition go awry?

History is full of the ambitious. The conquers, politicians, inventors, and military leaders filled our primary school history books. Bookshelves are full of the business titans explaining how you can follow in their footsteps to change the world. 

After being the second to arrive at Antarctica's South Pole, Captain Robert Scott failed to return his men home safely. Alexander the Great identified as the son of Zeus-Ammon. Hitler started a World War. Enron leadership lied to increase profits. Athletes intentionally take performance enhancing drugs to win a race.

Shortly after Steve Jobs death, biographies began to appear highlighting the ambition of this modern icon. All agree his work has had a significant impact on the world; the debate will rage about his display of zeal.

Seeing the fatal flaw in another is easy. Looking in the mirror, we justify why we should bend the rules to achieve the goal, and it sounds righteous.

If history is any indication of the future, we are here for a flash in time, and there is more to come after we are gone than came before. There will be hundreds, thousands, or millions of years after we are dust to evaluate our contribution. (Authors note: that last sentence caused me to stop, think, and shudder about what matters.)

In his book, Good to Great, author Jim Collins, documents his surprise at how the data characterized the leader's ambition in high performing companies. The data revealed, "ambition is first and foremost for the institution, not themselves." Mr. Collins goes on to describe ambitious leaders as "a study in duality: modest and willful, humble and fearless." Internet memes don't quote this line, it's not all that sexy, even though it is true.

Comfortable in my glass house; I have had my share of ambitions gone awry. The only difference is that I haven't had the wealth, power, or fame, to land me in the morning paper.

I embrace the duality of my drive to make a difference and the need for humility. I know my heart and have seen enough bad seeds of ambition to say with, martyr John Bradford, "there, but for the grace of God, go I."

Let's be ambitious!

Going Further: What are your calibration tools to ensure your ambition mirrors Jim Collins data?

What is your ambition?

What is your 30-second ambition elevator pitch? What is it distilled to 20 words or less?

We are all in pursuit of something; starting a company, battling climate change, raising creative kids, recording the next viral video, or pushing off adulthood as long as possible. Our ambition is defined by how we invest our resources. A quick audit of your money, time, energy, and influence reveals what is important to you.

Concentrated water cuts steel and diffused water gently waters the grass. The pursuit of a dozen various flashy ventures spreads your precious life reducing efficacy. Clarity of purpose is critical and answering the following questions will help.

Who are you serving?

What acute problem you are solving?

How do you maintain laser focus and minimize distraction?

What shortcuts are you tempted to take and what are the implications?

How do you define achievement?

What help will you seek in pursuit of this aspiration?

What internal and external obstacles do you see in your future?

How do you intend to backfill your weaknesses?

What are the costs and benefits to your family?

Words whisper and actions scream.

SCREAM!!

What image does the word "ambition" conjure?

We are all ambitious; the discriminator is the guardrails.

The 1987 movie, Wall Street, introduced the world to Gordon Gekko who defined the face of ambition for a generation. During a stockholder meeting, Gekko stated; "the point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit."

It is time to reclaim ambition and put it in proper context. 

Merriam-Webster defines ambition as "an ardent desire for rank, fame, or power" and a "desire to achieve a particular end." Countries need leaders; films need actors, and militaries need Generals. We need those that are willing and qualified to take on these various roles. The difference is the guardrails.

While we may default to defining the ambitious as someone that will backstab or step on others to attain their goal, the definition expands to include those pursuing any particular goal.

It is unfair to paint the second-grade teacher who is ambitious to get extra school supplies for his students, with the same broad brush as Gordon Gekko; although both want to drive change.

The desire to want more and honestly pursue the objective is noble and good. To eliminate humanities ambition, would bring civilization to its knees. Good-bye, electricity, transportation, latte's, and reality TV. Oh, wait, maybe we can dial back a little bit of ambition on that last one.

History is full of humans ambition gone wrong. Moreover, many flawed people focused their ambition for good works, and the world is better, as a result. Controlling significant ambition is a harrowing journey. Much like driving a Ferrari up a slick mountain pass. Managing the power and speed while respecting the guardrails is critical to prevent careening off the cliff.

William Wilberforce fought to end England's slave trade, U.S. Union Army General William Tecumseh Sherman was a brilliant military strategist, and Nelson Mandela was the President of South Africa during the end of apartheid. These imperfect historical heroes battled their ego, changed the world, and stayed within the guardrails. Your turn, the world is waiting.

Going Further: What is your ambition? What are your guardrails to keep you from slipping off the road?

What meditation tactics do you use?

My greatest meditation aid is an alarm clock. Given a choice, I will choose sleep over most activities.

Getting out of bed on time is my primary way to make space for this quiet time. If it doesn't happen first thing, then it becomes another item on the to-do list and must wrestle for priority with everything else. Additionally, the morning hours are a sweet period of new beginnings to put away the previous day in anticipation of this day.

What is your preferred time for contemplation? What is your favorite daily location and what is your all-time favorite spot? What natural positions do you find yourself most comfortable and alert?

My spiritual meditation includes both Scripture reading and prayer, and guided mindfulness meditations are from either an app (Calm (@calm) or Headspace (@headspace)) or Tara Brach's (@tarabrach) archive. I am consistent for periods of time then drop off, only to jump back in after noticing the impact of not keeping up the practice.

What tools do you depend upon to help you conduct your practice? Have you altered these tools since you began? Why did you choose your current tools? Do you want anything more out of them?

For those that use physical activity as meditation, how do you incorporate this practice into your routine? How are focus, inspiration, and a sense of connectedness achieved during the exercise?

I would love to say that I nail the practice every day and the experience is out of this world, but sadly that is not the case. Getting too comfortable and falling asleep is my most common issue. When focused on prayers or meditation while in the parking garage before work, kind strangers have knocked on my car window to ensure I am ok. As a reward for their kindness, we both get a bit startled.

A dear friend strained her neck due to bowing her head in prayer over several extended prayer meetings. Thankfully, her neck mobility returned after working the muscles and a posture change.

What stories do you have from your practice?

Our methods are as diverse as we are. Variations exist even within close groups. Talking about our practices, experiences, and learning help us all to grow. Listening to someone with radically different beliefs provides a new language to bring back and enhance your practice. Your neighbor is waiting to chat.

How do you define courage?

"Standing up for what you believe, regardless of the consequences," is how the fellow baseball fan described courage.

During a lull in the game, and I asked a guy a couple of seats down the row, how he would define courage. It took a few minutes to get warmed up and he delivered the home run definition.

His description hit close to home for two reasons; 1) this explanation captured a common version of what tests our courage in our hyper-sensitive world, and 2) I am more aware of my failings to make a stand than my successes.

The cost of violating the ambiguous line of political correctness is high. The risk is an extreme backlash against saying anything that carries a hint of offensiveness to anyone within earshot. The Internet and social media have redefined the range of earshot from a few feet, to worldwide.

A benefit of our brave new world includes holding the extremist accountable, but the cost is measured in the untold number of silenced voices that may otherwise speak. A healthy society requires standing for our beliefs, regardless of the cultural popularity.

Demonstrated courage is through stepping forward and adding our voice to the discussion.

Sadly, I have chosen silence more often than courage. There are friends, co-workers, and causes that have suffered because I resisted the call of courage and gave in to the perceived risks. I am aware of this temptation and expending effort to develop the muscle of courage.

What does it look like for you? When have you stepped up and weathered the storms that come with being courageous?

What aspects of courage most resonate with you? How does this aspect influence society? When did you demonstrate courage in this area and when did you stumble, why?

How do you develop courage?

Courage is a skill. Courage is built. Courage takes practice.

You watch what you eat To build a healthy body. You hit the gym To build muscle and run To develop your cardio capacity. You answer the crossword puzzles To keep your mind sharp. You meditate To develop inner peace.

What comes before the "To" as you develop courage?

Strewn across social media are quotes about facing your fears, but are you methodical and track this development like any other growth area? Do you intentionally step a bit closer to the edge of the cliff with the intention of weakening the fear and developing courage? 

Former Arena football player and entrepreneur, Lewis Howes (@lewishowes), often recounts his fear of girls in school. He committed to talking to a girl every day and try to get her phone number. Regardless if he gained the contact information, he won. Courage was under construction and strengthened daily.

Situations arise that require spontaneous courage; stopping a burglary, averting a nuclear attack, or the need to fend off a Martian invasion. Statistically, these events are rare. Those that dedicate their lives every day to our safety and security submit themselves to rigorous training to prepare for such circumstances. Building courage is through one real encounter or simulation at a time.

You will face one of your fears in the next month; fear of heights, public speaking, asking for a raise, catch a spider, fire an employee, hold your ground in a conflict, or a host of other day-to-day concerns. Better to reinforce your courage in one of these areas in preparation for the future. Sure as the sun will rise and gravity will keep your feet on the floor, courage will be in demand.

What is a particular courage building task you can add to your weekly plan? Join the community and get committed; add your task to the comments.

Going Further: What area of your life do you want greater courage? How has this fear impacted your life? How can you intentionally work to strengthen this area? Do you have confidence that submitting yourself to micro doses, will increase your courage? What would it look like to have healthy courage in this area? What question was missed?