What tactics do you use to get to "yes"?

A sales representative driving to a "yes, I will buy and here is the money", the mom pitching the PTA about how to spend the earnings from the bake sale, the politician seeking to earn your vote or getting approval from the boss for next fiscal years technology investment. Every day, we are seeking to convince others to move in our direction and will use various tactics to win those invested to our side. 

We recently sought approval of a significant project and were ultimately unsuccessful winning over the approval authority. It was brutal to accept the result as we reflected on the effort expended to achieve the objective. We fell short communicating the plan and building trust that this right plan was executable. 

I will always remember how Nancy Pelosi was able to navigate the political system and gain the required votes gain approval of the Affordable Care Act  several years ago. Against all the odds, she was successful. Business books are full of examples of successful leaders that have reached a "yes" through tough negotiating tactics or building consensus. What's in your toolbox?

How do you determine who to engage? How do you build consensus? How do you know you're making progress? What "yes" are you most proud of? 

When did you last marvel at your body?

Regardless of the presence or absence of six-pack abs, perfect skin or pearly white teeth right now, how do you appreciate this physical body? 

The world demands that we are physically never enough and there is always room for growth. But, for the next two minutes, let's suspend any need to change our diet or exercise program and appreciate the body we have. This is not the time for judgment, comparison or self-loathing, but appreciation. This physical frame has carried you through childhood, the tumultuous teen years, the drunken college years to where you are today.

If my body was a car, I would have been on the side of the road a long time ago. Consider how carefully you have fed the machine the specific diet it requires. Consider the exercise and maintenance you have consistently provided to keep the organs and muscles running efficiently. Consider the mental and spiritual care you have provided to nourish the inner self. Consider the chemical concoctions the body has overcome while living a life of anxiety and stress in the modern world. The bodies insistence to stay alive through a lifetime of trauma and abuse is breathtaking. 

We have witnessed the spectrum of people that thrive because of, and in some cases in spite of, their physical bodies. We cheer the one to break the marathon finish line tape for their training and physical prowess. Then we wait and applaud those that finish last to cheer on their tenacity, despite their limitations. Flex your hand and admire the musculature that moves the fingers. Count your heartbeats for a minute and recognize you don't have to will each beat. Consider the complexity of balance and coordination to walk from room to room. Internalize that a marvelous work is staring back in the mirror and this remarkable being is like no other. This marvel is enough to be celebrated. 

Going Further: What trauma has your body healed from? When were you surprised by your bodies performance? What is a nuance of your body? When did your body perform optimally? What would appreciation for you body look like? What other question comes to mind?

How many questions did you ask last week?

40,000 questions in three years. Harvard child psychologist, Paul Harris, determined that children two to five years of age ask about 40K questions and once school starts, the decline begins. The Right Question Institute found that only about 25% of 18 year-olds use questioning on a regular basis. The need to look competent can further limit our questioning once we are engaged in the workforce. The esoteric language of most workplaces includes what feels like a million acronyms that are used in sentences in what sound like alphabet soup if transcribed. I have sat for briefs and not asked for the acronyms to be spelled out thinking I am the only one that was in the dark, only to be asked by someone else on the trip back to the office about the meaning of several acronyms. A similar occurrence has happened with an auditorium full of people when the speaker asks if a particular topic needs an explanation and a single brave soul asks for the explanation to the collective sigh of most of the participants.

What happened between five years old and now? Why did we fall off the questioning cliff? Over the last couple years, classmates do not appreciate my enthusiasm for a topic as I would ask the professor additional questions requiring additional discussion. Generally, I can feel the heat of the stares on my neck, wishing I would just shut-up with the questions. The professor would engage in conversation because there are generally only a few students that will ask questions. I have been known to ask one or two too many questions and frustrate my kids about evening plans, friends or plans for the future. By my count, I am sure it has only happened once.

Paul Sloane posits that asking questions is the single most important habit for innovative thinkers. Mr. Sloane quotes Eric Schmidt, executive chairman of Alphabet, the parent company of Google, as saying "we run this company on questions, not answers.” If our goal is to embrace the future or be innovative in our lives then asking questions need to be a part of our plan. So, what do you think?

Going Further: When did you ask lots of questions? If that has changed, why? How do you handle being asked multiple questions? What prevents you from asking more questions? What other questions should be asked?

How do you deliver busy instead of production?

Busy is easy, production is hard.

We can address the urgent, the fires that nip at the sneakers or we can fight for the time to work on the important that will burn the building. Answering the bigger questions that require critical thinking, creativity, vulnerability and brain sweat is where your best work awaits. When my son was helping me with a handyman business, he would make his way down the checklist marking things off the list; install two light switch plates, check; install three light bulbs, check; tighten towel rack, check. By mid-day, he would point out that I was still not complete with my one thing; painting all the walls of the townhouse, guilty. My temptation is to clear the inbox of urgent and be rewarded with a quick dopamine rush vice invest in the hard work that requires the best of everything I have to deliver.

I have been working to rid my vocabulary of the term "busy". How am I doing? "Keeping busy". Yeah man, I am busy. Busy is what I am all about. Wrong, what am I producing? How am I making a direct impact on my family or customers? My performance metrics are off, I am measuring the wrong things. I mustn't cater to the fragility of the gossamer wings of my pride. Deep down, we know when we are really producing and when we just busy. The Internet will continue to expand, there is no need to reach the end, set busyness aside and invest in producing your best work.

Going Further: What is your process for combating busyness? What beliefs tempt you to busyness? How do you celebrate consistent production? What are the benefits of trading busyness for producing your best work? What hindrances may derail your efforts to pursue producing your best work? 

What is your sacred cow?

We all have them and if you claim you are sacred cow free, then most likely, we just stumbled upon your favorite bovine. Welcome to the barnyard, shake your boots off and let's have some fun. Vegan or carnivore? Build a wall or amnesty? Democrat, Republican or Independent? Christian or Muslim? Northern or Southern Africa? Pro-life or Pro-choice? Mac or Windows? You can spend the next couple minutes justifying your position and how everyone else that sees the world different is an idiot or we can take a humble moment to chat. Excellent, thanks for taking a moment to consider the cows for what they are; thoughts and beliefs that have made us the people we are today. This inquiry is about identifying the sacred cows, not confronting or tearing them down. 

Clearly identifying those topics that are too sensitive to approach is helpful in knowing ourselves. Time has granted me the gift of patience and a willingness to listen, a bit. I don't write as someone free from the barnyard. I am still convinced that many of my cows are justifiably sacred. I believe that I am a bit more approachable and willing to listen and talk about my cows, even if they remain sacred to me. We must be able to discuss why we have the thoughts and beliefs that have shaped us. 

Engaging in thoughtful discourse allows for maturation of our perspective. The opportunity to hear the opposing perspective must never be feared and allows for the nuances to be appreciated. This gift allows for engagement with another human being. Soon enough we will be bones in the grave swaddled in our precious beliefs. Now is the time to listen, engage, laugh, appreciate and learn. This life is too precious to push others away because there is a different brand on their bovine.

Going Further: What are the sacred cows your willing to discuss today that was met with a visceral response previously? What positions have solidified over the years? Can you  engage in friendly discourse across these topics? How do you appreciate the opposing perspective, even if you don't agree? 

What question scares you?

Note: This is an uncomfortable post, brace yourself. And yet, another question I have been afraid to post. I hate being afraid. I don't watch horror movies as I have no desire to invest time in something designed to spike cortisol levels or engage fight or flight. If I want to be horrified, I can find plenty of real-world examples that don't require a $15 trip to the movies. I live in an isolated little bubble that doesn't require me to face the things that scare me. I live near I-95 and I am certain that tonight human traffickers are transporting terrified people up and down the east coast to be delivered for terrible purposes to the lowest bidder. What am I doing to stop it? The question scares me because I hate the answer, and I like to think I am better than the honest answer.

Inquiries were not designed to be easy, but to bring about an understanding of one's self and any necessary change. These questions get to the operating system level of who we really are, not the photo-shopped images we post in our profile. Many questions involve those around us both family and co-workers. What employee needs the constructive feedback to improve? What discussion needs to be had with your partner or child? What tough-love needs to be given to that friend who is abusive? What steps do you need to take to face your own fears? What help do we need to change to stop the self-destructive spiral in our own lives?

We have to be intellectually honest with ourselves; if we answer the fun inquiries, the difficult inquiries also get their time in the sun. During a Tim Ferriss podcast discussion with Shay Carl, of YouTube fame, they discussed having a discussion with our 10-year-older self. For example, if you were ten-years-older, what would you say to your current self? This hit me hard. I always have spectacular advice, I would humbly submit, for someone else, but what would my future-self require of my present self and what action is non-negotiable? Yeah, this takes a second to grasp. If we are going to care for our future selves, then fears need to be confronted now, so our future isn't burdened by the same weight as we bear today.

You know the questions, and in most cases, the answers. The question is designed to offer hope that things can be different. Now is the time to answer the question and implement the plan, your future-self anticipates the action.

What are your family heirlooms?

On August 29th, 1887 the family bible was dedicated to the Woodward family and included the family tree back to 1826. Births, weddings and deaths fill the yellowing pages inside the back cover. The heirloom book waits patiently for every life to be recorded in each section. I am the current custodian and will pass it, and the responsibility, on to the next generation, when my date fills the last column. During each five-year family reunion, we look at the names and remember those that have gone before and built the family we have today.

I was blessed to be born into a family that is loving and cares for one another. Perfect, no, but the family has maintained unity over the years. The family traits include faith, a strong optimism about life and a love of each other. For others, recounting family history can be painful and the reasons, sadly, are legitimate. These wrongs may have been against an individual or a sign of the times, but they are a part of the story that we carry into the world. Heirlooms may have been lost to poverty, fire, flood or war and in some cases, reduced to a tattooed serial number on a forearm.

For good or bad, these stories are to be known and to understand the influences of how we have arrived at today. Rejoice if you have reason and start over if you don't. Today offers a choice and the opportunity to create new heirlooms and traits for the generations to come. Our history informs, but does not define our future. May today's date be found, in your penmanship, by future generations, as you create their heirlooms.

Going Further: What heirlooms will you pass onto the next generation? How do you invest in the generations that will follow you? How do you reconcile the wrongs of the past with your today? What is the greatest gift your family lineage has passed onto you? What family history question did I miss?

What is your superpower?

Just as all superheroes have a power, your gifting and abilities can be used for the good of others. Help can be offered in many ways and you must know your power when the space aliens are mounting their attack. Most of us humans experience very few actual alien attacks over our lifetimes, however, we do have many opportunities for a bit more mundane emergencies. These include an empathetic heart to walk the last moments with a family member in hospice care, a ladder and paintbrush to take care of a new coat of paint on the house trim, an encouraging word, a poem, or tutoring the neighbor kid through the tough math homework. This kind of superhero work is needed far more than fending off the alien attacks. 

I have met many superheroes in my lifetime and they have taken on many forms. A few examples included those that helped get the stalled car running, gave financial help during a hardship and helped move my entire household prior to a record snowfall. My superpowers are in the mechanical realm and includes changing a tire or cleaning hair out of a shower drain. These superhero acts are never in the local paper, but when on the receiving end, I certainly feel like calling the local news to highlight the generous help and grateful for the local superhero.

Since American Idol is no longer in production, maybe it's time to rethink what idols we worship and consider the superhero that brought in the chicken soup.

Going Further: When did you first use your superpower for good? How many powers do you have? How have you developed your expertise over the years? How do you feel after saving the world for that one person? Are there any powers that have not been used in a while and it is time to bring them out of retirement? Who needs your superpowers now?

When did you last stroll through the rain?

My last stroll through the rain was in New London Connecticut. I walked from a friend's house, where I was staying, to the convenience market a few blocks away. The long black raincoat slowed my body from being soaked as the warm summer rain doused my head and ran down my neck. My rope sandals quickly became waterlogged, adding weight to each footfall as I walked. Nothing I had would be destroyed by the water; the clothes were washable and to date, my skin has remained waterproof. There was no rush to get to my destination nor limit the number of drops I prevented from hitting the sidewalk. It was just a leisurely stroll through the rain.

Most often, this natural phenomenon that delivers a life-giving drink to the earth is met with curses, sprinting or huddling in the house because we may get wet. During a recent college graduation, I was reminded that withstanding an onslaught of raindrops was possible. Mid-way through the procession of graduates marching into the stadium, the sky opened up for a sustained downpour. The spectators overwhelming response was to sit it out and wait for the storm to move on. Once the phones and cameras were secured in dry purses, the attention returned to laughing at the situation and cheering on the graduates.

Two thoughts come to mind as I reflect on these situations; one, we are generally in such a rush to avoid anything that may perturb our schedule and reject these disturbances as a problem to be mitigated, vice taking the opportunity to embrace the dynamics of the world around us. Two, we can be intentional about seeking out these "discomforts" to engage and enhance our curiosity about our world. For the record, my walk in Connecticut was in 1989. Yeah, it has been a minute and I am looking forward to the next rainstorm. See you in the puddles.

Going Further: What are the regular discomforts you can revisit and seek to embrace? How do interpret these "necessary evils" to your schedule? When did you embrace the situation and make the best of it? How can you grow in dealing with these disturbances? What other questions come to mind?

Who are the creatives among you?

You can't miss them, right? They are those people that have a particular style, their hair has a dash of the rainbow and a mass of braids or their dark and brooding ways prove they are a poet on the verge of discovery. My first poetry slam had a mix of what I expected, but the other half did not fit the narrow picture I had imagined. This other half surprised me; the straight-laced school teacher, the mid-forty-something body builder and that extreme introvert from Norfolk Virginia. This experience had two effects on me; the first was to challenge my stereotypes of who writes poetry and the second was to give me a glimmer of hope that there was a trace of creativity coursing through these uninitiated veins.

Ramon sold me my cell phone upgrade today and during the conversation I learned that he is a creative. Believe it or not, selling cell phones was not his lifelong dream. I know, I know, I should have warned you to sit down for that news. He would prefer to be impacting the world through his writing, his guitar, and mixing music. There was a creative, right in front of me; the logo on his shirt just distracted me from who he really is. Our conversation inspired each of us to redouble our efforts to produce content. Shouldn't this be the result of our interactions with others; to leave them better than we found them? 

Writing this post has had a couple more effects; the first is to prompt you to have the courage to do a bit of naval gazing and determine how you might be creative; then take the first step towards cultivation of this dormant talent. The second effect is for you to express your gratitude to those around you who are expressing their creative genius. These souls are creating something to be put into the world and risk criticism and humiliation. Even if it doesn't strongly appeal to you, they have dared to push back against the resistance that says they are a failure and their art is not worthy. This bravery is worth encouraging.

What is the creative stereotype you default to? How do you encourage your inner creative? How does your definition of creative expand beyond just the stereotypical arts? Who are creatives you appreciate and what about them appeals to you?

How are you going to play in the next week?

If you think you perform at your best without play, you are wrong. Play allows the mind to make connections that it doesn't have the opportunity to make during our day-to-day work. The mental activity of planning and strategies during a game of chess can inspire new ways to negotiate the business deal. The dynamic nature of staying on a surfboard while the ocean heaves energizes the entire body. The ability to laugh at yourself when you make a bad decision and lose the board game is a healthy reminder that winning isn't everything and you will not always be number one. The camaraderie of friends playing bridge and the smiles that are exchanged between team members when the opponents nervous tick is discovered, builds great memories.

To master, a new game can take you into a new world and introduce you to an entire sub-culture that you didn't know existed. I am looking forward to a bit of slack-lining over the next week and will confirm I have much to be humble about. At best, I can get a step or two on the one-inch wide ribbon before losing my balance and shot away from the line. The acrobats at Cirque Du Soleil should have no fear of losing a job to me.

Any season is a good time to play and the long days of summer provide plenty of time to play and summer vacations provide the opportunity. For years I have forfeit many vacation days as I sat behind the desk trying to climb the ladder. I failed to realize that play is a part of success and should be a part of the plan, for both me and the employees. I have not been as effective or creative because I thought the boss wanted my butt in the chair. What the boss needed was a creative problem solver that was not afraid to try and fail. Play helps build that framework.

What are some of your favorite ways to play? Where do you like to play? How do you encourage play at home and work for the family and co-workers? What lies have you believed about play? How can you introduce more play into your routine?

What do you think about your independence?

The good news of the mercury rising, melting ice cream dripping down your chin and diving into the pool quickly come to mind when I think of the 4th of July. Kids are out of school, vacation plans are set and Amazon just delivered the summer reading list. This is one of those topics that requires understanding the bad news before you get to the good news. Seeing the corrosive political rancor that is playing out this political season; I can only imagine the wrangling that was happening 240 years ago as we were in the midst of a revolutionary war with Britain. I have toured the Pentagon in Washington DC and seen military exhibits with mannequins dressed in period war uniforms surrounded by war memorabilia. The cotton and wool uniforms are a long way from the camo and Under Armor of today. No high powered rifles to defeat the enemy, just single shot rifles that required precious time to reload before re-engagement. Most of the deaths were attributable to rampant disease and starvation. Following these sacrifices General George Washington resigned his commission as commander-in-chief, giving up the rights that many wanted to bestow upon him, and retired. This allowed for the development of the imperfect government and freedoms, we have today. This is a tiny snapshot of what went into the independence we will celebrate this weekend. These are the same freedoms that our enemies will try to use against us and they must fail. Our freedom and independence are too dear to trade for fear. Now that we have reviewed the bad news and since our thinking informs our feelings; consider how you feel about your independence? For the past several years, we will watch the fireworks over the Severn River in Annapolis Maryland. The football field will be full of Naval Academy Plebes getting ready to become Navy and Marine Corps officers and defend our independence for the next generation. The music of the Naval Academy Band will echo off the water, bouncing between the boats, competing with the fireworks for the attention of spectators that are free and independent. This will be a marvelous way to express gratitude for those that made this all possible.

What do you think about your freedoms? How does this inform your response to those that think differently than you? What do you see as the non-negotiable? Where are you open to compromise? What memories are you looking forward to making this weekend? What are your July 4th traditions?

How are you mischievous?

The definition of mischievous I intend is one "causing or showing a fondness for causing trouble in a playful way". The Sunday comics are full of these cut-ups and no doubt you have memories of those that were willing to push the boundaries during your school days. How does this trait show up in your life? Do you play tricks on your spouse, children or co-workers? Being at sea on a submarine gave us plenty of time to exercise our mischievous side and it is best that it wasn't caught on a smartphone. Thankfully, no one was permanently injured, if given enough time to heal. I tend to be more mischievous with words, but I have been known to give my family members a little of this special kind of love. There is a line that should not be crossed and inevitably things will go awry, but this wisdom seems to come with humility and maturity. Healthy relationships can support the joking and playfulness behind the mischievous smile as the cup of cold water is thrown over the shower curtain. Laughter in a relationship is a good indicator that all is well.  

What are your tales of childhood mischief? When did it go terribly wrong? How does this playfulness currently inform your personality? How can you use this superpower for good?

How do you mentally challenge yourself?

If the body gets Crossfit, yoga, walking, running, biking, dancing or couch surfing (oh wait, forget that last one) then what does the mind get? The whole body needs stimulation, including the mind. Does your mental exercise include reading, sudoku, crosswords, new languages or coding? Study data indicates investment in the noggin can stave off Alzheimers and other mental illnesses. Other options include; puzzles, games or even taking new routes to work. I am investing in writing daily and trying to get the brain to sweat through generating questions. Time will tell if there is any positive impact of the inquiry investment; after all, I need all the help I can get.

How do you take your brain to the gym? What was your last difficult read? How do you diversify what inputs you provide to your mind?

What business practices have you recently re-validated?

Communication and trust. I have been reminded how critical these two concepts remain in the world of business; granted, they are needed everywhere but let's talk business a moment. The complexities and speed at which business moves requires a consistent clear message, there is not the time to re-write and resend. There is a parable of a man that had spread falsehoods about another man. The town wise man told the first man that the initial step to make amends is to take a down pillow to the top of the hill outside of town and cut it open, allowing the feathers to fly. The offender did as instructed and returned to the wise man for the following step. The wise man told him to go gather every feather and all would be well. The offender exclaimed that this was impossible. The wise man stated that what is impossible, is undoing the harm of telling the falsehood. Today's communications channels will scatter the message as quickly as the wind will carry the pillow feathers and just as difficult to collect. I have also been reminded of how quickly trust can evaporate and the long road to rebuild. To follow through on the promises made and communicate the status is the beginning of trust. It is far better not to test the boundaries of trust as circumstances will test every relationship without the added stress of skirting the edges of honesty. These are my two. I have known them and sought to put them into practice, however, I am freshly aware of their importance. What does this inquiry bring to your mind?

What core business values have you seen broken or upheld recently? How can those you identified be strengthened? Where are your struggles? How can this evaluation be applied to your personal life? What other question did I miss?