What have you learned during the dark moments of pursuing your dream?

Each pursuit is different, but each follows the story arch of dream defined the struggle and completion. Not every dream story has a happy ending of a record IPO and the founders raising a toast on a faraway beach. The glossy pictures in the magazines make the idea of success a sure thing. After all, the rack is full of new stories each month. As the artist recounts their story; the ten years of anguished uncertainty, living in obscurity, and the families push for a 9 to 5 is all captured in a paragraph or two. 

The memes tout the benefits of the failures, setbacks and grind during the pursuit. The reality is, the trials suck. The dark days of the world not understanding what you are creating can be very dark. The creditors are calling, too much cheap pizza, the boot of responsibility to produce firmly pressed on your neck, the stress keeping the gut in a permanent knot, wreaks havoc on the mental state.

I am pursuing a vision and struggle with demands and responsibility of husband, father, and employee. At 46, have the possibilities passed me by, and I should expect to be a dust farmer, dancing on the razor's edge, for the rest of my days until the reaper comes? The unfulfilled and unexplored dreams buried with me. The resistance continues to fire the cortisol to ensure there is no relief and the dark clouds coalesce.

I

must

get

up.

I can do one more rep. I can write one more song. I can code one more string. I can submit to one more publisher. I can practice the fundamentals one more time. The injustices against the dark fingers typing the poetry will not stop the rhymes from changing the world. The slurs hurled because of my caste steel my resolve to upend the corrupt system. I must halt the cycle of drugs and poverty ingrained in the family tree, so I study another page of engineering.

What are the lessons this pursuit is teaching you and crafting your unique story of the one you greet each morning in the mirror?

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt

How clear is your dream?

Time stops.

You did it; congratulations. Now breathe deeply.

The realized dream sits on the table before you.

Walk around and admire the achieved dream.
Does the backside of the dream meet the specifications?
What color is it?
Why did you chose this color?
What did you think when you first saw the color?
Does it shine like you expected or does the finish pull in the light?
Does your font bring the words to life?
When you pick it up off the table, do you notice a white "Made in China" sticker partially covered with a price tag on the bottom?
What do the labels say?
Does it need both hands?
Does it feel heavy in your hands?
Are you surprised by the real weight?
How is the weight distributed?
What do the corners and curves feel like as you run your fingers over the surface?
Does the plastic, glass, paper, steel, or fabric feel exactly like the factory samples?
How does the silk, copper, canvas, porcelain, or wood smell?
Taste?
What subtle notes do your senses discern in the dream?

Be still and sit with the dream.
Notice the intricate details.

Eyes see clearly.
Your dream awaits.
Open your eyes.
Time for action.

How do you encourage others to achieve their potential?

Don't believe the hype! I can't be anything I want to be; I will not be winning any Olympic gold medals in gymnastics. However, with the help of Coach Sommers at Gymnastic Bodies @gymnasticbodies or the team at Sports Fitness Advisor, I have a chance at making some seemingly incredible gymnastic moves given the time and effort. A coach goes a long way to bring specific encouragement, but what does it look like for those that we live with, work with, or bump into each day in the line for coffee?

This goes deeper than encouraging your buddy to down the entire Solo cup in one gulp. Encouragement is in short supply, and it is needed now more than ever. The FaceBook craze of tagging a friend to do 22 days of pushups to bring awareness to the loss of 22 veterans a day due to suicide is a recent indicator of the epidemic. 

Do you count yourself among those strong silent types that are not much for words? Expecting your kids to be at your bedside to hear your last words and the first time they hear "I love you, and I'm proud of you," may be a losing bet. You are going to get a bigger bang for the buck telling them now and being conscious of hearing their "thank-you."

Effective encouragement is specific. Telling a co-worker the pitch went "great" leaves plenty of encouragement left on the table. Telling her, "the preparation paid off, the customer fully understood all the elements of the pitch and as a result of her effort, they filed a purchase order," is far more memorable and meaningful than just hearing "great." 

Warning, grasping this concept is like learning that Santa Claus is not real. When you receive a weak encouragement, it doesn't resonate, but when a specific encouragement is delivered, and it received as intended, it will provide courage for the future and help those encouraged to soar. What happened this week, where you can provide specific encouragement?

Going Further: Who gives specific encouragement to you? How have you experienced the difference between general and specific encouragement? What kind of encouragement do you provide? What can you change to start providing specific encouragement? What observations do you have about encouragement?

What was the last project you started?

Butterflies and boogiemen await the beginning of a worthwhile project. Getting the butterflies in your stomach to fly in formation at the project kickoff is exciting. Anticipation floods your body, thinking of the possibilities. Additionally, the pending uncertainty of the unknown can be terrifying, as you stand at the precipice of change.

This inquiry celebrates the last project you started. The blog, the musical gig, the start-up, the birth of a child (most are shorter-term projects), the competition, or the yoga practice; all represent the beginning of a new project. 

Chinese philosopher, Laozi, wrote that "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." This 2500-year-old truth still rings true today.

The spark of action is a catalyzing moment that begins every significant movement or idea. This blog is my latest project and started with both butterflies and boogiemen standing guard. I would love to say they have abandoned their watch stations; however, they are ever present companions with each writing. Some posts feel like a thousand mile march through mud, and others are a quick trip around the corner. But, before I click the publish button, the guards remind me of their presence.

Congratulations on stepping into the unknown to start the project! How did your project kick-off begin? How quickly did you reduce your uncertainties to manageable levels? How has the experience reinforced your confidence for the next project? Where there any lies darting around your mind that you had to shut down before moving forward? Who came alongside to offer support?

What uncertainties were standing watch over your beginnings? Add your voice to the comments.

When is it your turn?

The overhead sign, on the way into Charleston, on Tuesday, read 630 traffic fatalities in South Carolina during 2016. As we left on Sunday, the sign read 645. During my vacation, 15 lives ended and countless families were altered forever. 

The statistics lead us to believe that it will never happen to us, and it is a longshot. We don't want our turn. However, over a lifetime, the odds are against us, and an accident will touch our lives.

When the U.S. Powerball lottery topped $1.6B, the odds of winning were one in 292.2 million. Finally, I am ready to announce publicly, drum roll please... one of my five tickets was not the winner. Yep, nada, bupkiss, nothing, zero and squat is what I took from the winnings; but it was fun to dream for a day.

The statistics lead us to believe that it will never happen to us, and it is a longshot. We do want our turn. However, over a lifetime, the odds are against us, and you won't win the lottery.

Yet, we spend time dwelling on the horrific, and terrific things that can occur in our lives that are outside our influence. 

What about those things that are within our influence? When is it your turn?

Society, family and internal expectations influence our belief about when it is our turn to follow our dreams, make an impact on the world or take a risk. Most often all these influences will scream "be safe" and "don't take any risk." The safe, secure job with good benefits is the best option, and for goodness sake, "forget those crazy ideas of making a significant impact."

Seth Godin provides a clear answer in the title of his last book, What To Do When It's Your Turn (and it's always your turn). Seth encourages the reader, you and me, to decide it is our turn and not wait to be picked.

Choosing to take your turn, requires bravery. The world will most likely ignore the ideas keeping you up at night and in the worst case, will hate them. This doesn't mean to pass on your turn; it is yours, and it is waiting.

How do you push through doubt?

The insidious voice that plagues a vision can be crippling. In his book, The Art of War, Steven Pressfield describes the lizard brain activity as the resistance. This resistance is always a voice in the back of our heads that wants to quit. It recoils from producing the good work we know our hand must release into the world.

There is no guarantee the world will respond with millions of followers or dollars, but learning to dance with the doubt, and still proceed, is where we will learn to crystallize the vision.

To complete another class, write another page, pitch another client, or compose another song is where the doubt is weakened. Incessant water drops will break a stone. Showing up to produce good work will shatter this stone of doubt and cripple the resistance. Climb to your feet and produce.

What results do you demand of your physical training?

A friend broke up his physical training regime with play in the local kickball league and scored a wife. We have expectations for anything we invest our lives into, and our training is no exception. Be it general fitness to stave off a heart attack, fit into the wedding tux or have broad shoulders for the girlfriend to rest her head upon, these are the motivations that get our butts off the couch.

Your training plan is not a one-way transaction. Articulating what expectations you have of your training is necessary; otherwise, you won't know if you are getting proper results. A lovely bonus to physical training is that as you pursue one benefit, hard work delivers many other perks for free.

The Mayo Clinic outlines seven benefits of regular physical activity, and two include performance in bed, both sex, and sleep. It is a safe bet that most readers would enjoy a performance boost in both categories.

Tony Robbins recently mentioned during a Tim Ferriss podcast that he would use exercise to reset his mind and jumpstart his creativity when he is mentally stuck.

The community that emerges from any particular activity adds to the joy of doing the activity. The camaraderie and encouragement are a huge help to both you and the tribe.

I am playing the long game. The lifestyle disparity between those who have had an active life and those that haven't is significant. Given the option, I choose to be healthy enough to do full squats and move how I desire until I am dead. 

The inquiry comes back to a proper definition of requirements. What do you want in return for your effort? If the training does not deliver, change. 

Going Further: How did you decide on your current training routine? Is it getting the results you expected and if not, is it you or the routine that is falling short? Do you like the principles and people that make up the community? What training result surprised you? Where have you seen the greatest gains? What training do you want to try? What question was missed?

What was the toughest physical PR you achieved?

The elusive time, weight, score or opponent taunted you from just beyond your reach. The personal record (PR) was yours, and yours alone to achieve. Did it keep you up at night? Were you angry that it continued to dance beyond your ability? How did this drive you to train harder?

Saying no, to more sleep and yes, to rolling out of bed for the early morning workouts. Saying no, to the office donuts, bagels, and cakes. Skipping the late nights of drinking and movies to get up early for training. Rebuffing the families disbelief and wagging heads as you pursued the goal. Grateful for those that understand and support.

Confidence grows as progress is made. Plateau's are overcome. The points increase, the weights get heavier and the seconds drop. Feet move faster, mobility increases, muscles grow and lungs inhale more of the world. Ever closer, but not attained.

At last, the goal is achieved.

The accolades come. Be it a cheer from the FaceBook video post, or a medal around the neck. The loudest cheer is screamed internally as the heart swells with satisfaction.

Done.

Congratulations on your achievement, it is yours.

Going Further: How did you determine to pursue this PR? What were your particular struggles during the pursuit of this PR? Who did you count on for support? What were your darkest moments? What helped you get through the dark moments? What did you change during your pursuit to achieve the PR? What did you think and feel as you reached this goal? How did you celebrate?

How are you thriving in spite of aging?

Living is not reserved for the young. The marketers may pitch the line, once you have punched out of your 20's it is a slow decent to the grave. Just because it is pitched doesn't mean we have to buy it.

Strength and quicker hangover recovery time were nice; however living a few more years, installing some gray hair with a touch of wisdom has improved my view of the world. 

Last weekend I attended a Spartan Sprint. Interspersed among the 20 and 30-year-old participants, were plenty of seniors in fantastic shape, gett'n after it. Pushing their bodies to run, push, pull, throw and scramble through the battery of obstacles.

Model Carmen Dell’Orefice continues to rock the runway at 82. Philippe Dumas kicked off his modeling career at 60 when he decided to grow a beard. At 41, Oksana Chusovitina just completed her 7th Olympics and hadn't ruled out an 8th. Brazilian soccer star, Ronaldo, looks like he will be playing into his 40s. Elite marathoners peak at 29, before running into their 30s.

The boundaries of age continue to tumble for those looking to push themselves. This bodes well for those of us out of our 20s. We are more readily accepted into the active communities in our neighborhoods without being questioned if we are here to pick-up our children or grand-children.

The gray hair, frees us to push ourselves to achieve our goals on our terms because we are going rouge and don't belong. The young don't know what to do with us other than cheer. Go inspire them to cheer loudly.

What sports advice have you applied to your life?

Consistency; learned during physical training and now applied to marriage and business, is how a friend, Miguel, answered the question. 

The Internet is flooded with quotes from great coaches and sports heroes. Some of the more popular are listed below.

“It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get up.” ~ Vince Lombardi

“You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” ~ Wayne Gretzky

"It ain't over till it's over." ~ Yogi Berra

"It's not the size of the man but the size of his heart that matters." Evander Holyfield

"Make sure your worst enemy doesn't live between your own two ears." ~ Laird Hamilton

The challenge comes with the application of the spoken word. Immediately turning words into action at that moment provides gain, but greater still is to use this applied learning to other areas of life. Living life in the crucible provides opportunities to gain significant experience to know what works and what can be discarded. What lessons have you carried forward?

Going Further: Who is a fountain of wisdom for you? What advice have you discarded? What is your process for adopting new advice? What advice should now be discarded?

Who's physical prowess inspires you?

Their posters covered your bedroom walls, and you would snap up any magazine that had an article. The time spent replaying the YouTube clips, and a quick check of your phone background is further evidence that these people inspire you. The first guy to catch my imagination was Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible Hulk; I couldn't imagine that a real man was that size.

Jordan's dunks, Pele's footwork, Tiger's golf, Ali's blurring speed, Tony's skateboarding, Venus and Serena's tennis, Babe's home runs, or Jerry's gridiron speed. These are many of the first faces that come to mind as we reflect on those that have spent the required thousands of hours to become experts in their craft and hone their bodies to achieve astounding results.

Much closer to home people that are doing amazing physical feats each day, much closer to home. Ask, the marathon running co-worker how training is progressing toward her next race, the wounded warrior about his next Crossfit Fran PR, or the neighbor about her yoga pose proficiency. Check with the guy at church, about his next Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu belt test, or the beast with python arms buying baby diapers in the checkout line ahead of you.

Sports Illustrated covers and Wheaties boxes are great places to start looking for inspiration, but don't limit your sources. The face time with these local examples will give your physical preparations a shot of inspiration, and besides, they probably won't charge for an autograph. Ask questions, deliver encouragement, and always bring a Sharpie.

Going Further: What are the world famous names that have had an impact on your physical training? Who are the locals that have inspired your training? Have you ever interacted with them and expressed your admiration? How did that come about? Who can you learn from locally?

Writing soundtrack: crickets, not the band. You know, the chirpy critters that come out at night.

What is your physical training practice?

I shudder to imagine the physical issues today's children will have when they are aged. At increasingly younger ages, youth spends their time with chins pressed to chests, heads hanging forward staring into a glowing smartphone screen. Text neck and eye strain will be a sad legacy to pass on to the next generation.

Those beyond college, think they are better off since they don't spend as many minutes staring at the phone. However, living in a cubicle, hunched over a laptop, commutes, chores, and finishing the day on the couch, doesn't set us up any better.

My physical training practice leaves room for improvement, but I shout an internal "kudos" anytime I see someone running, playing a sport or just moving with intention. In Becoming a Supple Leopard, Dr. Kelly Starrett describes the physical capability goal as "having the motor-control and the range-of-motion to perform any physical feat at any time." Our modern lifestyle seeks to make life easier, and as a result, conspires to cripple the human body.

As living beings, activity and movement are part of our DNA and contributes to overall health. What is your practice to achieve Dr. Starrett's definition of physical capability? What benefits do you realize as a result of your investment of time and energy? How has this changed over the years?

Writing soundtrack: @amandapalmer @respektor

What change are you driving?

What have you said or done that is worth memorializing in stone? This question regularly flickers through my mind during my commute around Washington D.C. I drive by the Lincoln, MLK, Washington, and FDR memorials daily. Each recounts noble words and deeds these men did with the few years they had on this earth.

While you may never be President or lead something as significant as the civil rights movement; we must expect to bring about change to the people and causes that are important to us. Our hands were not made to be graciously clasped in your lap or pressed between your butt and chair. They are at the end of your arms to manipulate, create, fold, press, and caress. These words are verbs and imply action.

Everything around us has changed, and humanities reach continues to expand into more of the natural world. The clothes on your back and the device you're using to read this post, were the result of a change someone decided to bring into this world.

Your influence is significant, and the world will be a better place because of your investment. Resist the temptation to search for another cat video or binge watch another season. The actors, directors, and costume designers created their art, and it is time for you to generate your art and drive your change.

I am grateful and humbled by your willingness to read these words. If you never make it beyond this sentence because you went to, as Seth Godin says, "make a ruckus," then that is the highest compliment.

If you're still reading, know that I am pulling for you to be brave, and drive your change. I look forward to reading of your exploits, engraved in Internet trons or carved in marble and stone. Post your project what changes you are driving in the comments. My change is this blog.

Writing soundtrack: @theglitchmob @MatiasPuumala @thescript (Hall of Fame)

What change are you anticipating?

Anticipation and hope are alive and well. Each time I am in the kitchen moving food around, our two dogs come running in anticipation that I might drop something or better yet, intentionally stoop to provide a tasty morsel.

Looking forward to things to come helps endure the tough patches of life along the way. Remember the build up to your last vacation? The anticipation of this change of scenery and pace allowed you to say no to the office donuts to maintain the beach body or to go out to the bar with the guys because you were saving the cash for the trip. 

Dread defines the other end of the pending change spectrum. I passed our garbage man one morning on the way to work, and he encouraged me to have a good day. Dread filled my mind, as I explained I was expecting a layoff notice upon arrival at work; sadly, I was right.

Whether you are aware of positive anticipation or scary dread, constant change is here to stay. Give life enough time and you will have your share of both. My discussions with joyful 90+ year-old people quickly calibrate my sense of the good or bad that comes with change. They have lived long enough to get their fair share of both, and chosen to remain committed to enjoying all that life throws at them. Your outlook and attitude will determine how you filter the inevitable upheaval. 

Going Further: What change turned out better than anticipated? Do you view change with anticipation or dread? Who do you admire that has endured much dreadful change, why? How were they able to endure? How can you develop the skill of pushing through the dread, to thrive on the other side?

Writing soundtrack: @peterwhitegtr @rippingtons @EricMarienthal