How do you lead by example?

Your kids hear what you say, but remember what you do. This was sober advice given to me as a young parent and has proven to be true. Maybe a bit of what I said stuck, but the overwhelming ratio of remembered lessons for my kids favors my actions. This principle is consistent throughout the business world and any other leadership sphere. Kids are pretty good at calling us out on the inconsistency between what we say and what we do. Others may not be as vocal because a job promotion may be on the line, but our hypocrisy will be discussed at the water cooler or the lunch-line.

If the boss says that it is important to have a work-life balance to maintain employee health and spends the weekend sending out email and making calls, she will loose credibility with the staff. Eventually, the organizational morale starts a downward spiral and requires a targeted effort to recover what was lost. Retired Army General Norman Schwarzkopf stated "Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be without the strategy." Your character is revealed through the consistency of your words and actions. Be intentional, the world is watching.

Going Further: Where is your example inconsistent with your words? What standards do you hold for others, but not yourself? What changes need to be made to bring words and actions into alignment? What were the results of making these hard changes previously? 

When have you led well?

I am Frodo; I approach this inquiry as a fellow traveler, seeking to grow in my abilities. I have been in the trenches as a worker-bee and middle manager, having experienced leadership on each end of the good/bad spectrum. I have in-turn provided a spectrum to the teams I have led. Having completed some self-awareness work along my journey, I am far more aware of shortcomings than successes. This can be par for the course for a recovering perfectionist. To read how to do it all perfectly, the Amazon business section is chock-a-block of the latest leadership insights.

Take the opportunity to pause and reflect on those times when you led like you intended. You know, living the life your dog believes you live; a hero to the world. We will often skip the celebration, thinking that is for those other people and miss the chance to catalog our strengths. These pauses allow for insight into our talents and leadership styles.

Journalist, Sebastion Junger discusses how the American Indian tribes would choose their leaders based on the environment. They understood that the same leaders are not perfect for all circumstances. A reigning peace-time chief would step aside if the tribe went to war and when the fighting was complete, the war-time chief would relinquish power to a peace-time chief.

This insight may provide great encouragement as you determine where your leadership strengths exist and how they can be employed within an organization. I always wanted to believe that I was the special snowflake that was a great leader in all circumstances. This is not the case.

Insulting a contemporary, Winston Churchill stated, he is "a humble man, who has much to be modest about". This quote helps to keep me grounded and recognize that each of us has a set of strengths that need to be used just like any other specific tool in the tool belt. This realization was liberating as I was viewing leadership as an all or nothing situation. I was wrong. 

What are your leadership strengths? What was a leadership win? What historical leaders are you most alike? What successes surprised you? How do you invest in developing your leadership skills?

What is your leadership metric?

There are many ways to measure success; how do you know you are successful as you lead your family, Cub Scout troop or Fortune 100 company? Lord Kelvin stated, "when you can measure what you are speaking about, and express it in numbers, you know something about it." Each leader has a style where they are comfortable and have found success. Most often, it will be borne out of personality and experience of what they have seen works. Some experiences will provide negative training, and the leader will commit to running their organization directly opposite of their experience. Paying attention to the numbers can help understand your leadership effectiveness.

A friend was discussing his job transition into a new field and took a significant pay cut to right-size his work/life balance. His last company would grind through managers at a rate of three per year after demanding 100 hour weeks at the job and sparse vacation days. The union labor force was competent and stable, allowing for managers to be overworked, quit when exhausted and quickly replaced. Leadership had determined that these managers were expendable for the short-term gains. I mentioned that even with the pay cut, his hourly rate probably skyrocketed due to the normalized hours at the new job where he was finding great satisfaction.

As a leader of people, your responsibility goes beyond the easy metric of units produced, dollars collected and the least amount of time spent with each customer. Your investment in those you lead will pay dividends beyond the basic spreadsheet. Like any investment, you want to understand your returns. Lord Kelvin's statement reminds us that once we can quantify what is important then we "know something about it"; so, what do you know about your people? 

Going Further: Other than required company metrics, what do you use? How do you track the success of those you have led? How do you know that you are not a negative learning experience for your people? What else should be asked?

How do you lead?

You lead, but are you doing it well? The question quickly expands to whether you are intentional or abdicating the responsibility that is in your hands. Leadership is needed in all areas of society; the pick-up game on the middle-school playground, the fight for rights, the race for the White House, the midnight shift manager at McDonald's, the parent raising kids or the leader of an elite team of Marines. Many are groomed for stepping into the role and others find the responsibility thrust upon them at a critical moment. Leaders receive and ever shrinking honeymoon period to deliver direction and become the required leader.

Leadership is not about a personality or charisma, but rising to the occasion and caring for those in your charge to accomplish the mission set before you. Bookstore shelves sag under the weight of volumes filled with lists of how-tos and endless week-long seminars to help close knowledge gaps are offered through pop-up ads. Successful leaders recognize they are not all knowing in all areas and perfect in all disciplines. They will surround themselves with the strengths of others, knowing they have gaps and can't do everything on their own. My history includes abdication in personal, social and work leadership settings. Recollection of these missed opportunities has fueled greater intensity to ensure I am self-aware and growing to ensure the mission is achieved in the various settings.

The pantheon of past and current leaders you desire to emulate had a starting point and grew into the hero's you respect today. Before those trailblazers, of the past, closed their eyes in death, they would concede they could not have projected their lives, every twist, and turn. These leaders took the risk and chose to make deliberate decisions and take deliberate actions, without the assurance of the desired outcome. Most often, this course of action was pursued with an incomplete picture, leading an imperfect team to make the most of the opportunity and accomplish the task. Their experiences created a legacy that delivered their story to you and reminds you perfection is not the standard. Setting aside personal preferences and comforts to graciously use your talents and skills to fulfill your commission, through inspiring those you lead to do the same, will be your proof you lead well.

Going Further: What leaders inspires you, why? Who do you depend on for leadership mentoring? Who is counting on you to lead? What will result from you succeeding and failing as a leader? Where have you abdicated leadership responsibilities? How can you address this leadership gap? What other leadership points come to mind?

How do you use food to build relationships?

Food is a necessity of life and can be used to build memories, traditions and close business deals. The memories of summer picnics filled with grilled burgers, watermelon and corn on the cob are essential to a proper summer get-together in the U.S. Food traditions are rooted in religious and cultural celebrations throughout the world, each bringing a rich history to each meal. Within many cultures, the business meeting is a formality leading to the food and drink at a restaurant where the real negotiations and decisions are made in the wee hours of the morning. 

You have developed your practices of family dinners, coffee with friends and dinner with the in-laws that reinforce the foundations of your relational networks. In what ways are you intentional about the particulars of meal food selection, location and how it will foster relationships? Too often, I use efficiency to drive my decisions and merely consume the meal and miss the opportunity to be present, taste the food and enjoy those at the table. 

We are a species of connection and have developed a buzzing world of activity where information is infinite and attention and connection are commodities. Three times a day an opportunity for connection is available if you choose to be intentional through the need to break bread. The good news is that no matter your history, you have the chance with your very next meal; make the most of it.

Going Further: What traditions do you celebrate that have food as a major component? How was food a part of your relationships while growing up? How can you take advantage of meals to make connections with others? Who can you share a meal with this week?

What is a key life lesson learned in college?

Beyond a higher level of your ABC's and 123's; what did you learn in college that really stuck? Assuming you learned skills beyond playing quarters, draining the contents of a red Solo cup or proving the salt content in a weeks worth of Ramen Noodles doesn't preserve your body like a dried fish. The college years are a time of discovery, of both the world around us as well as who we are as an individual. Hopefully, for all the late nights of study, tuition paid and scholarships earned there were some life lessons that have endured the transition to post-graduation life.

The opportunity to expand the influences beyond those of your home and local schools, allow for a diversity of thought to permeate our minds. The lessons of how to put on your shoes and socks by, UCLAs, Coach John Wooden or the structure of a poetic sentence by, Princeton's, Toni Morrison, leave impressions and practices far beyond the classroom. No doubt, you had professors that revealed their humanity through practical advice that has long since been internalized. In many cases you may have heard, for the first time, lessons your parents have been teaching for years, but it took a different voice or a changed circumstance for you to have ears to hear the old teaching. 

What other lessons were learned during college that has stayed with you? What were some unlikely sources of college learning? What was learned from a college enemy? How were your expectations of college learning fulfilled? What college related question did I miss?

How well do you wait?

The computers are down and all we can do is stand. It is a 2-hour wait to talk to an agent. Unfortunately, something else is wrong with my ticket and I can't get my boarding pass at the kiosk and requires another hour wait. The other passengers swirl around me getting boarding passes and charging to the gates, but I wait. Finally, the bags get checked, but the boarding pass I am given is for a flight that is gone. I get through security and straight into another line for to rearrange for the missed flight. Over the next 2 hours, the line inches forward. The wait pays off and an hour later the plane lifts off the tarmac. 

This day will be one for the Southwest Airlines history books. For several hours, their entire computer system was down and nationwide all flights were grounded. Thankfully, this one time, I was flying early enough that landing late, wouldn't perturb the schedule. Many others were not as fortunate and were waiting in line for a glimmer of hope to fly the friendly skies. Once in the air, reflecting back on the time standing in line, the hours seemed to have collapsed into a single moment and it was hard to believe that it was 3/4 of a workday between arrival and departure at the terminal. 

When you wait, how well do you wait? Waiting reveals much about who we are and is an opportunity for increased self-awareness. Most often, waiting is not a strength for me and I work my way to the front of the line for answers. Once I know details, the wait is easier. Like all virtues, we don't like to put them to the test. The good news is that this virtue can be learned and strengthened. Take the chance to practice patience, an opportunity is right around the corner; just be patient, you will see.

How have you grown in patience? When does waiting bring out your inner temper-tantrum? How have you become less patient? What makes the waiting worse? When did you wait well and why were you successful? What is a strategy for waiting well?

How did you define wealth during your youth?

There is always that one family that sticks out in your mind that exemplified wealth when you were growing up. There is something about how they lived, acted or who they knew that just sets them apart, etching this image in our minds as one element of what it means to be rich. Even if your family has money, there is that other family in the next town, you met on an international vacation or that has a bigger jet. There is always something that stands out as just too opulent.

A kiwi and a toothbrush are mine. A classmate often brought kiwis for lunch, and I had never seen this strange exotic fruit before. The fact that he could afford to eat them often was a sure indication he was rich. The other indication of having money to burn, was a scene in the original movie Arthur (1981), starring Dudley Moore. In the scene, Arthur chastises his butler, Hobson, for giving him a toothbrush that he had used the day before. Hobson knew that Arthur never used the same toothbrush more than once. I sat dumbstruck for the next several minutes trying to imagine having enough money that I would use a new toothbrush every day and throw the old one away.

These impressions stick with us and inform how we define monetary satisfaction, determine wealth and if we have "made it". Your memory may be a pair of sneakers, a car, wearing a particular clothing brand, location of family vacations or something majestic like a kiwi or toothbrush. This is an opportunity to be reminded of how wealth is measured as an adult. What is your standard; homes, accessories, family, vacations, friends, time or something else? Metrics are important, we need to ensure we are measuring according to the right benchmark.

How has this youthful definition of wealth stayed with you? How have you achieved the wealth you defined in your youth? How do you define wealth? How do your decisions align with living a rich life?

Whose hands cultivate your food?

Darby Zimmermann of Thanksgiving Farms in Frederick, MD, takes care of growing our weekly veggies and she doesn't think that professional hand modeling is in her future. As the owner/manager of our local Community Supported Agriculture (CSA), I appreciate her abilities on the farm and grateful for the service offered. There is a beauty and simplicity of knowing the dirt that nourishes the foods we eat. As industrial farming continues to swallow up aging family farms, we tend to get further from the food source. It is fun and tasty to eat broccoli that was harvested that very morning. 

My tastes and requirements for food have changed over the years. My grocery shopping would include the pursuit of the perfect tomatoes, just as I would see in a McDonald's commercial. Now I will look for the funny shaped veggies that have a bit too much character and are left behind. The eggs shells from pasture raised chickens are produced in a range of colors from the standard white and brown to beautiful shades of blue, due to the various nutrients and seasonal plants the chickens eat. A co-worker began farming a sizable plot of land over the last couple of years and has been able to eat all season and preserve enough vegetables to carry his family through the winter. I have been inspired to see how this professional couple manages to drive changes within the Washington DC beltway during the week and farm a bounty from their land in their free time.

There are many ways to get a step closer to your food source and a bit closer to the land that spouts your food. As our mommas always said "you are what you eat". This truth hasn't changed even if we have the Internet and Pokemon Go. The nurseries still have tomato plants looking for a good home and that condo balcony has just enough room to grow your next salad goodies. 

Going Further: How can you get closer to your food sources? How do you think about where your food comes from? When did you last clean soil from your fingernails after harvesting your food? When can you next get dirty in pursuit of your food? 

How dangerous are you?

You are exceedingly dangerous when you have nothing to hide and nothing to lose. We have nailed a few areas of life, but we have all failed to reach perfection in every domain. The quicker we recognize this reality, the quicker we will have the freedom to embrace who we really are. When we accept our failings and shortcomings and abandon the pursuit of measuring up, we are dangerous. Today, a sermon reminded me of this truth. My temptation is to try to hide from my shortcomings and failures, living life on the defense. Businessman and hustler, Gary Vaynerchuk, said; "the moment I accept all my shortcoming is the second my life goes on the offense." The ability to stand up and say, these are the areas I am weak and need support, negates the power from any accuser. Since we know our own little secrets, we can inform the accuser that it is actually worse than they know.

The pursuit of excellence is assumed, however, to believe mastery of all things is folly. This understanding thrusts freedom to be ourselves firmly in our grasp. I will never be a great mathematician or an electrical engineer, however twisting words into a story is something I can do. As a self-aware being, you can step forward boldly and challenge the status quo, knowing you have nothing to hide. This pursuit has radically changed the man I have become over the past 18 months. I have not completed this journey, but I am far different than I was. Trying to master all things and be everything to everyone has been exhausting and stunted development of my best work.

Owning your shortcomings makes you dangerous; you can speak-up at the weekly meeting, pitch you idea to the marketing executive, raise your hand in class to ask or answer a question, share your faith with your neighbor, start an online business, step into leadership in the local government or even start a blog asking questions. You won't be bulletproof, but when the trolls provide comments, you can smile and say "if you only knew". Embrace your shortcomings dangerous one.

What are your strengths? What are your shortcomings? How have you shrunk back from the limelight due to shortcomings? How would you be different if you didn't fear your shortcomings being exposed? Where do you want to make a difference? How will you be dangerous? What did I miss?

How do you inspire others?

Humans are social creatures and we have an opportunity every day to build others up or tear them down. I struggle with sadness due to all of the killing that has been happening and my heart breaks for the friends and families directly affected. The acidic political fighting that fills the airwaves does not reflect a country of hope, but one of fear and further division. The Cold War and AIDS were the specters looming over my shoulder growing up. The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were the shadow for my kids and it looks like terror attacks will be what unsettles the next generation. Is this really the best we can do in the new millennium? 

The Summer Olympics in Rio will no doubt bring great athletic feats for us to marvel. Grace and power revealing what talent, hard work and perseverance can deliver. This will be exciting to see, but it is still presented through a glowing screen. You, you have an opportunity to engage the world around you and deliver some inspiration. Sing, write, give hugs, buy someone a cup of coffee, visit the prison, wash the widows car, paint, sincerely ask "how are you" and wait for the answer, take the kid on the corner out for some ice cream, make yet another cat video for YouTube, teach a class, start a prayer group, learn a new language to speak to the immigrant neighbor, visit a mosque, dance!

It doesn't require a trip around the world to find someone in need; I am confident, that within 200 yards of you, there is someone that could benefit from interacting with you, today, even right now. Give the gift of attention, it is a precious commodity, and rarity in our current day. It will take courage and vulnerability, and you have that deep inside, give it a chance to erupt through kindness. The world is looking for a glimmer of goodness and a reason to smile; you can be just the person to deliver.

Going Further: Who inspires you? Who can you inspire?

What goal are you proud of achieving?

There are two elements to a goal; the journey and the attainment. The ratio is a bit off, the journey is 98% and the attainment is 2%. Unless you are the 58-year-old that still relives your part in an obscure high school football game everytime the Friday night lights power up; then the ratio is flipped. For the rest of us, the time spent to attain the goal is the preparation and the grind to achieve the degree, the medal or the acknowledgment. Historically, I would characterize my attainment 2%, as very stoic. Great, I won an award, let me take it out of the frame and put it in the file cabinet. Disclaimer: my achievements do not include any Nobel prizes.

But, is that the whole story?

Any achievement is done with supporting help from others and celebrating the 2% allows for a moment to reflect and thank those that helped to make it possible. Remaining silent or downplaying the achievement is selfish and robs others of celebrating their contribution in the pursuit of the goal. This also provides an opportunity to inspire others and cheer them along on their journey. The 2% is important.

Last year my son and I completed a Spartan Sprint obstacle race. I was very nervous going into the race and nearly backed out the night before the race due to fear of injury. Spoiler Alert: it didn't kill me. We finished, not in record time, but we finished. We made some great memories and will be doing another couple Spartan races this year. Celebrating the completion of the race was an opportunity to thank my son for heaving me over obstacles, walls and whatever else was necessary to keep me going. It would have been a missed opportunity to encourage my son if I had merely filed the finisher medal away and never spoke of it again. We both need to be reminded of the glory of achieving a goal. 

Going Further: How do you acknowledge the goals you have achieved? How do you celebrate with those that have helped and sacrificed for you to achieve the goal? What prevents you from fully celebrating? Are there any achieved goals that were not properly acknowledged? What other question should be asked?

How do you combat gossip?

The corrosive nature of gossip will quickly cripple any community. The cancerous tendrils quickly divide friends, family and co-workers. This division scars and shuts down the creativity and prevents the interaction of everyone delivering their best.

Bad enough, is when leadership is silent or looks the other way and the cancerous cells multiply. Worse yet is when leadership actively engages in the practice. The task to kill the cancerous effects, will be nothing short of a herculean effort.

Those supporting an organization decided that it was worthwhile to dedicate their precious lives to the common cause. They only have one life and they chose you. You decided to bring them on as the best candidate and gossiping will only prevent them bringing the best they have to offer; aim carefully as you shoot yourself in the foot.

Each one of us must take the opportunity to combat the cancer. Out of the heart speaks and your words are your choice. Choose wisely.

Going Further: Where have you given into the temptation to gossip? What harm have you seen as a result? How have you felt when you have been gossiped about? Where do you need to grow in this area?

How do you resist judging a book by it's cover?

Our minds are lazy and want to take the easy way out. Impatiently demanding to classify what it sees with the least amount of effort based on its own experience. Efficiency reigns king. It takes a lot of brain power to live with uncertainty and patiently wait to understand the truth. A common emergency response statement is "the first reports are always wrong". This applies to people as well. I look at someone and the combination of a lazy brain that wants to conserve energy, with a quick classification, and my own pride, that reminds me I am always right, ensures I spend a lot of time being wrong.

I do, however, have a perfect record of identifying the physical characteristics of a podcast guest upon completion of the conversation. I have been wrong 100% of the time. It is great sport to spend a couple hours listening to an engaging conversation with a fascinating person, who has found great success in their respective field, and have no idea what they look like. By the end of the discussion, I am giddy with excitement about bumping into them on the street and conduct a Google query to learn that my imagination missed the mark, again.

Yep, my temptation is to serve the beautiful, rich and famous first, then take care of what I perceive as the normal crowd, then take care of who is left. Yes, I know that is wrong and that is where the purposeful internal battle ensues. I intentionally don't identify the race or gender of the person that cut me off in traffic so I don't develop muscle memory that classifies "all (fill in the blank) are poor drivers". I grew up in a very white neighborhood and the predominant black influence in my formative years was the Huxtable family, the guys getting caught on COPS or those I saw on the news. I have to purposely re-write my own snap judgment about the young black male driving a Mercedes. Assuming he is not the drug dealer, but rather a successful doctor, engineer or entrepreneur.

This is a complicated life and at times, I am my own worst enemy, however, the war is being waged. Keep your book cover; I am working on my own re-write and so might at least one other.

Going Further: What people groups do you judge most often? When have you been wrong about someone? What is a step you can take to re-write your default assumptions? What other questions on this topic sting?

How often do you dream?

Interpretation is not on the agenda for today; this is answering a more basic question. Is dreaming at night a common occurrence for you? Our dreams are a good indication of our physical state and quality of sleep. A long-standing indication of manliness has been the ability to thrive on as little sleep as possible. This mindset has been pervasive in the movies, military and culture at large. Sleep has been stigmatized as weakness or laziness.

Data continues to build refuting this perspective. Between scientific studies and the growing bio-hacking community, a realization that the body is repairing and the mind is very active during this downtime. I worked on an average of 6 hours of sleep for years and my dreams were non-existent. I participated in a couple sleep studies and made sleep a priority. I have sought to get 8 hours per night and vivid dreams have returned on a near nightly basis. Dreams haven't delivered the plans to the next iPhone or cure for cancer, but they have provided a barometer for how I am caring for my body and providing what it needs to thrive. 

Artist and author Elle Luna (check her out on Instagram @elleluna) realigned her life after realizing she had gone a few weeks without dreaming. Dreams had been a primary source of inspiration for her work and without proper sleep, the spigot for her fountain of creation was shut. You and I must be expressing our creativity through our lives, the things we touch and the dreams we pursue. Dream well, awake and achieve.   

How do you rate the importance of dreaming? What dreams do you remember? What period of your life did you have an active dream life? How can you enhance your nighttime dreaming?