How do you honor Veterans?

The flag memorialized my grandfather's military service and draped his casket. I wore the patch early in my Navy career and found it with my father's tie clasps after his death. The pin honors my qualification in the submarine service, the proudest moment in my career. I wore the hat while stationed onboard the USS Alexandria (SSN-757) submarine.

I shipped out to boot camp in Great Lakes, Michigan on December 7th, 1988. 47 years after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Marching through the Michigan winter to chow, and the intense smell of moth balls embedded in our uniforms are memories that have stuck.

One early morning, I stood lookout on top of the submarine as we were returning to port in Groton, Connecticut. It was a crisp morning, the seas were calm, and the predawn was stunning. The massive warship rumbled at our feet, effortlessly parting the surface of Long Island Sound over the bow. This perch was a magical vantage point to greet the day.

A few short hours later I sat in my car and waited for the red light to turn green. As I watched people going about their daily routines, I realized, no one else started their day, the same way I did.

During Desert Storm, I was in a shipyard helping deliver a new submarine to the Fleet. As an added perk, I met my wife, of 23 years, while in the shipyard. The Navy has been good to me and my service was far easier than others.

Today, the U.S. honors her Veterans. Memorial Day honors those who have died while serving. Veterans Day celebrates all Veterans who have served our nation. The men, women, and families that sacrifice an ordinary life to learn the art of war and ensure the horrors never reach our citizens.

Today, there is some young kid, standing lookout on the bridge of a submarine, watching the water break over the bow, and ensuring we are safe. We don't restrict our love for Mom to Mothers Day and don't need to limit our appreciation of Veteran's to a single day.

Every day is a good day to thank a Vet.

Going Further: Who are the Veteran's in your relational network? What stories have you heard? How have you expressed gratitude for their service? How do you support those that are currently serving?

What do you demand of your elected leaders?

Campaign promises are lofty ideals of the best case scenario, delivered to a particular constituency, to win an election. The campaign requires promises to win enough votes to beat the next most successful candidate, not win the hearts of the populous.

The elected candidate cannot deliver on all promises; either good or bad. Winning an election and competent governance are two different skill sets.

President Harry S. Truman said, "I’m proud that I’m a politician. A politician is a man who understands government, and it takes a politician to run a government. A statesman is a politician who's been dead ten or fifteen years."

Candidate, elected politician, and statesman are the three phases of elected office. Per Truman's definition, only after pushing up daisies will the history books anoint a statesman. Rarely will the title of statesman be bestowed upon the official.

What do you expect from those that carried the election?

The US Marine Corps imbues fourteen leadership traits in preparation for battle; justice, judgment, dependability, integrity, decisiveness, tact, initiative, endurance, bearing, unselfishness, courage, knowledge, loyalty, and enthusiasm. This list seems like a good place to start for any official.

What other traits do you add?

I hold leaders to a high standard, but no longer force a pedestal under their toes. I am too aware of my failure to achieve perfection and disappointed by those I have worshiped. We all have clay feet.

Going Further: How do you right-size your expectations of those we elect? What officials failed you? Who lived up to your expectations and what set them apart? What is one fear you have from this election? What is one hope you have from those elected?

How do you embrace election results?

The votes are tallied, results are in, and victory or concession speeches delivered. Euphoria for some, dread for others. Take time for celebration and mourning; both feelings are real and justified.

We have all won and lost; each is an opportunity? Is there gloating, boasting, and shaming of the opposition? Does the slightest victory fuel ideas of a mandate from the entire populous? Do anger, resentment, and a desire to hamstring the winners flood your being?

Raw emotions are an opportunity to understand our motives and what drives us. The artist probes the depth of passion for inspiration to pen a lyric, scribble a poem, or fill a canvas. We draw near to our family and friends through celebrations, suffering, and sorrows. Now is the time to hear the whispers of the heart that are drowned out during the heat of battle.

What effort do you put into listening to a cross section of the opposition? The election is done and provides an opportunity to set aside our bias to actually hear how others see the world. Before the vote, we are too busy forming a rebuttal to listen to what was said. Now is a time to listen, empathize, and possibly hear for the first time.

If approaching from a position of victory, it is time to listen for how to serve the minority. If approaching from a position of loss, it is time to listen to how the majority of the electorate sees the world. In either case, setting aside stereotypes and approaching with mere curiosity will surprise even the most certain.

Give your favorite news outlet and the national talking heads a chance to rest. The neighbor over the back fence is ready to talk honestly. You and I are complicated individuals and painting with a broad brush doesn't work.

Our nation is too beautiful to overlook the elegant details that comprise the mosaic of people. Differences will always be present. The temptation to divisiveness and hatred will always be an option. However, a daily choice is to treasure the physical and relational mosaic or smear paint over it with the broad brush of generalization.

Regardless of what political party takes office, you won. You get to choose today; detailed brush or broad brush?

How do you wait for election results?

The phone calls are done. The fundraising push is complete. Yard signs are scrapped. No need to cull the Internet for opposition dirt. TV advertisers turn full force to Christmas, still seven weeks away. Facebook will return to a cat video site. And some climb out of their cave of isolation, after trying to avoid the rancor.

Now, much of the world waits. And yet, a sizeable number are oblivious or don't care.

What if there is not a clear winner? Do we revive discussions about hanging chads? How many recounts will it take?

Networks call the Senate races. State and local questions are decided to nudge the country in different directions, like squeezing a full balloon. The news outlets internally struggle to battle the risk/reward calculus of calling a race. The coffee and energy drinks flow like water to keep everyone alert until a decision is declared.

What is your internal struggle about who wins?

Will the world actually fall off its axis if the opposition wins? Is your candidate really capable of saving the world? We voted for fallible humans, not superheroes.

Is it too early to remember the words we spoke during the runup to the election? If the votes are not looking good, do you start packing tonight in pursuit of the Canadian border?

The neighbor that shared tears and waved the flag when the towers fell has now become the ignorant hater that deserves nothing less than a social media firing squad. This righteous volley is earned because of a different opinion that is protected by the Constitution. Please take the time to listen to their reason before pressing "send." we may all learn something.

Abraham Lincoln knew the path to rebuilding the country was humility. The Confederate soldiers were allowed to return home with their weapons as a means to maintain a shred of honor.

146 million are registered to vote, and the pundits anticipate a result too close to provide a mandate for governance. 70 million is a lot of people to disregard and call misguided losers.

As the numbers tally, and your candidate wears the victor's wreath, look to Lincoln and know the path forward is paved with humility.

Enjoy the celebration tonight, for we have a country to rebuild tomorrow.

Why vote?

Duty must override enthusiasm. A sober assessment must overcome ambivalence, confusion, and fear mongering.

The water cooler discussion concludes with, "I don't identify with the candidates," therefore, I am not going to vote. The convenient option of an agreement is not available tomorrow. We are required to do the hard work and make a decision with known facts.

Every day hundreds of decisions made. Major decisions demand much energy to conduct proper research. Many have made tomorrow's decision daily since the campaigns started and it hasn't gotten any easier. Memories of the flippant Brexit voters on the evening news, flash through the mind's eye, driving home the need to make a perfect choice.

The campaigns chose to epitomize gutter politics. We can choose differently.

At least 1,319,943 military men and women have paid the ultimate sacrifice, from the Revolutionary days of 1776 to present day. Millions more went missing or were injured. Millions more returned home to build families and strengthen this country.

This Friday, the US celebrates Veterans Day, honoring those that have served the country through military service. It is fitting that tomorrow, we exercise a freedom that is unique in world history.

Our soldiers have spilled their crimson blood on foreign soil, allowing burqa-covered women in Iraq to raise a purple thumb to demonstrate their gratitude.

You and I must enter the polling booth and do the heavy lifting required to deliver the decision the country demands.

Your voice matters, and it is time to earn your "I voted" sticker.

What do you appreciate about politics in your country?

The USA will hold elections on Tuesday. This particular presidential election cycle has been one for the record books and will provide plenty to analyze for future changes.

The temptation is to spend our time emphasizing all that is wrong with the opposition, the country, and the political process. Push back against the temptation, cause the brain to sweat, and notice the good. This line of thought may require lubricant to get the rusted gears of our brain functioning.

The ability for each citizen to have a voice in the political process and influence the leadership of the country is a relatively new possibly. The opportunity to cast a vote per our conscious is a precious gift and must be treated as such.

Henry Ford famously quipped, "a customer can have a car painted any color he wants as long as it’s black." A choice of multiple political candidates is still a choice. The process is public, known, and anyone that desires can throw their hat in the ring to provide another choice.

I appreciate those willing to spend their lives serving constituents. Not everyone is prepared to endure the meat grinder that is the negative and media infused political process.

We, the flawed populous, have incredible freedoms protected by imperfect elected officials. This dynamic will ensure we fight for the diversity of thoughts and desires held by the people.

Internal diversity also exists. I don't see the world exactly the same today, as twenty years ago. It is good I don't get everything I want today because I won't be the same in another twenty years. Different perspectives provide space for transformation. If your positions don't grow and change over your lifetime, you have missed the point.

Going Further: How has this political season altered your view of politics? What has this season caused you to appreciate about previous elections? What political candidate do you appreciate and why?

How do you extend compassion to yourself?

Compassion doesn't equal indulgence. Compassion to oneself is not a license to eat the whole tub of ice cream or splurge on retail therapy at the mall.

This inquiry delves into our personal suffering and misfortune. No one gets out of this life unscathed. For eons, humanity struggled to stay alive long enough to see the next generation survive into adulthood. Life was brutal. A rape victim was told to get over it; this is a part of life, and you have work to do.

Most in the Western world have the means to survive and can now attend to the whole person. Unfortunately, the voices in our head can be our worst enemy.

Have you given yourself sufficient time to grieve the death of someone close to you? Whether sudden or a drawn out process, this death, separation, and memories flood our minds in the most surprising ways. Accepting the new normal takes time and living to adjust. Changing status to a widow, single parent, or orphan can take years.

Do you give yourself space to heal? Regardless of the trauma source, either internal or external, a place to recover relieves the pressure to deny the thinking and feelings that sweep over us when hurt. Pain hides in dark corners and until light reveals what lurks in the shadows; this painful enemy will undermine healing and disrupt plans for wellness.

How do you process your failures? The hot Silicon Valley phrase "fail fast" is an invaluable tool to understand what product changes the market demands. Failure is not always quick and often heartbreaking when we pour out our life, only to see the work go up in flames. When our business, marriage, relationships, or dreams fall apart, we must generously extend compassion to the face in the mirror.

Each of these examples has significant implications on how we encounter the world. We are not running from the black plague or living on pennies a day. We have the privilege to invest the resources of compassion in ourselves to mourn death, heal hurts, and learn from failures. What recovery tools do you use; counseling, friendship, laughter, prayer, exercise, meditation, reading, others?

How are you today?

Going Further: Where do you need to extend the gift of compassion? What is one step you will take?

What quote about compassion inspires you?

Much wisdom has proceeded our time and allowed us to stand on the shoulders of giants. What thinkers have inspired you to consider the way of compassion and incorporate the practice in your life?

"True compassion means not only feeling another's pain but also being moved to help relieve it." ― Daniel Goleman

"If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men." ― Francis of Assisi

"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation." ― Henry Ward Beecher

"Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace." ― Albert Schweitzer

"Compassion is a practically acquired knowledge, like dancing. You must do it and practice diligently day by day." ― Karen Armstrong

"The problem with compassion is that it is not photogenic." ― Sebastian Horsley

"Few things are so deadly as a misguided sense of compassion." ― Charles Colson

“Compassion is the radicalism of our time.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

"Sing for joy, O heavens, and exult, O earth;
break forth, O mountains, into singing!
For the Lord has comforted his people
and will have compassion on his afflicted." ― Isaiah 49:13

"True compassion, is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring." ― Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Man may dismiss compassion from his heart, but God never will.” ―
William Cowper

What quotes would you add to the list?

Why do you act on your compassion?

Our complexity is awe inspiring. We can be full of rage one moment and engage in selfless sacrifice the next. Let's camp out on the latter extreme for a moment.

What motivates you to act on behalf of another who has experienced misfortune?

Was it the example of Mom and Dad caring for those in the neighborhood? Mom set an extra spot at the dinner table because your friend's parents were going through a nasty divorce. Mom knew a bit of normalcy was needed to help your friend to get through the night. Dad fixed the air conditioning unit for the widow down the street and saved her the repair costs.

Have you been on the receiving end of compassion and looking to pay it forward. The teacher noticed your struggle and stayed late each night for the entire semester, to ensure you passed. The stranger that didn't hesitate to cover your grocery bill when you were a couple of bucks short.

Do your holy scriptures promise eternal gains for the compassionate effort? You recognize the immeasurable grace that has been received, and out of this overflow, you look to care for those you encounter. In light of this truth, the action is natural.

Are you counting on the boomerang of good karma to someday return? The idea of what comes around goes around holds out the promise that the compassionate investment today will yield the gifts at just the right moment. This cumulative effect will protect you from the falling piano or deliver the helpful tow truck driver that "just happened" to be driving by when you punctured a tire.

Not listed above?

What is your reason?

Compassion doesn't come free; it requires an investment of your resources. Just as we consult with our investment advisor before shifting our retirement nest egg, consider why you are investing your other resources. The good news is that investing in compassion will pay a substantial yield beyond dollars and cents.

Going Further: How many motives can you identify in your compassionate acts this year? How have your reasons changed since youth? What motivations did you pick up from others? What motive brings the most happiness? What compassionate actions deliver big results you can immediately see?

How can you encourage those released from prison?

The pen hovers over the simple square on the application and hesitates.

The chance of getting hired plummets, if the felony conviction box is checked yes.

Why aren't more questions asked, and boxes for checking?
Did you serve your time?
Were you legally released?
Are you done breaking the law?
Do you want to remain out of prison?
Do you want to contribute to society?
Have you renounced your previous lifestyle?
Do you want to better the world around you?
Do you want to serve the customers and help the company grow?
Are you going to beat the odds, break the cycle, and be counted among the 33% that don't wear handcuffs again?

Why can't all these yes's add up to more than the one box at the top?

600,000 incarcerated people will leave the prison walls behind and become our neighbors and co-workers this year. The stigma, shame, and mistrust of the waiting world contribute to the rearrest of two-thirds of all inmates.

I spoke with a friend a couple of weeks after he finished his prison sentence and beginning to rebuild a life. He admits he was guilty and has now served his time. A loving family and a small network of friends welcomed him home.

He recounted how well he has it compared to those that will follow him. He shuddered. Most return to nothing at best, and a world of temptation, at worst.

Growing up, TV taught me that the only people with tattoos were sailors and ex-cons. Times have changed. I'm a former sailor without tattoos, and my son just got inked with his fifth tattoo today. It has become harder to pick these returning neighbors out of a crowd.

While opening your basement as a half-way house is one end of the spectrum, it is time to re-evaluate how we care for these women and men who have paid their debt. It can start by looking into the eyes of a fellow imperfect human being, sincerely asking, "how are you?" and waiting for the response.

Going Further: What scares you about engaging someone who has been in prison? What informs this fear? Do you see them as a fellow human? What is one step you can take to reach out to a former prisoner that could use the help?

How do you respond to panhandlers?

This inquiry is the equivalent of a DJ clearing a crowded dancefloor by playing the wrong song.

The intention is to be intellectually and emotionally honest and confront the uncomfortable questions.

The 15ish-year-old girl stood on the median at the red light. The black letters on the cardboard read, "Need help for sick family." She was lovely; black hair pulled back from her face, dressed like any other girl pulling books from a school locker. But, here she stood, not moving, eyes tethered to the ground.

She is only a couple of years younger than my daughter. I have known financial distress and endured the shame. How will this experience color her life and the lives of those that sent her out the front door?

Does she know what she is doing and just playing me as a sucker? Is there really a family member back at home, contorting in pain, counting on her ability to get a few bucks? If she is really in need, is there someone behind me that will demand more in exchange for those required few dollars?

My heart screams "change your plans, empty the wallet and bank account, give her a hug, affirm her value as a human and need to reject the shame, return her to the sick family and coordinate medical care and resolve other outstanding issues."

I didn't.

I am relieved that this one time, my cupholder is void of the $6.50 latte. The light turns green, and I turn to finish the last half mile to church. Once inside, I pray for God to help her. My list of buts is wholly unsatisfying, and my hypocrisy is a crushing weight.

How do you respond when presented with these opportunities to help? What are your rules of engagement? When do you stoop to look someone in the eyes or give a few bucks? How do you explain this situation to the kids in the back seat?

One friend keeps plastic bags with water, granola bars, and a few other items, in the car, for just this kind of situation. Some will buy food, but not cigarettes or alcohol. Others, respond with aggression and offense to being asked.

We can't sanitize the rest of our lives from meeting those in need, and there isn't a global plan to solve all problems. Inquiring of our own souls to know who stares back in the mirror is doing the required heavy lifting.

Lift.

What causes spark your compassion?

My wife's heart is for the elderly. She has her own cleaning business and often finds herself spending extra time with customers that are in their late eighties or nineties. This time includes extra cleaning, sharing a cup of coffee and conversation, or playing a mean game of dominoes.

The end of day discussion includes how she left later than planned and endured a bit heavier traffic because of an opportunity to serve became evident. She has a keen eye for things that need to get done and is willing to do the heavy lifting to make it happen.

This world includes much suffering. The statistics are staggering for every cause; human trafficking, wars, famine, starvation, animal cruelty, drug abuse, political fighting, cancer, and the list goes on. If the statistic remains the massive number, it is too big to imagine the real cost, and too hard to see how to make a difference. However, to connect the dots and see a particular face and know precisely how you can intercede to make a difference makes action tangible.

Kristin Sheffer (@simplysheffer) rallied her tribe to send items for distribution to the those affected by the earthquake in Haiti. She uses her influence to care for orphans and those living on the edge in this island country.

What are your causes?

If the commercial for the Humane Society comes on TV and shows the sad puppy eyes; do you call to set up your volunteer time? When the political unrest in your homeland rises to a fever pitch, are you calling the relatives with every free moment and sending any extra cash?

What causes play your heartstrings?

We must celebrate the desire to ease a burden or solve these problems since it puts your compassionate humanity on full display. We are not here to be cold-hearted spectators of suffering. We have our influence, status, wealth, and breath to be utilized to help others.

Going Further: What are the causes you regularly support? How have the causes changed over time? Why have you shifted your support? What are the critical factors that you use to determine your level of aid? What are you currently supporting that would have surprised your younger self?

How do you see the overlooked?

I first noticed the ominous clouds that were closing fast; then I saw the abandoned moped parked on the side of the road. A quarter of a mile later, Steve was walking along the roadside. That day was one of the rare occasions I was not late to the next appointment. I offered Steve a ride as the onslaught of rain was going to make an unfortunate experience downright dismal.

Steve was surprised and grateful for the lift. He was not expecting rain but had had an umbrella and plastic to cover his backpack. He said he was planning to walk until his pride got the better of him and would then make a phone call.

The ride to the bus station gave each of us an opportunity to engage with someone that didn't have much more in common than the direction we traveled. 

His history is full of stories and has been working at a landscaping company for the last several years. Steve is accustomed to being overlooked and being prepared for challenging circumstances to come his way.

This discussion prompted me to consider how well I know those around me that are not in my same socioeconomic group. If venturing out of my crowd, my tendency is to gravitate to those in the higher group, not the lower.

The conversation with Steve was worthwhile, and I am sure I received far more benefit from meeting.

Intellectually, I know that the Declaration of Independence states, "all men are created equal," the Bible commands "consider others more important than myself," and any other religious or moral code will reflect a similar perspective.

Moving past the intellectual and properly calibrating my thoughts, feelings, and initial judgments require constant monitoring and are hard. But, as a co-worker often says, "hard is authorized."

The circle's I build and strengthen through my friendships and social media following, ensure I remain safely in my bubble. Staying in the bubble is easy, popping the bubble and living life in the real world is hard.

Hard is authorized.

Going Further: How do you engage those in a lower socioeconomic group? How has this experience changed you? What was a memorable experience? What life lesson have you learned from your time together?

How has your ambition brought out the best in you?

What drove you to make changes? These changes may have been for the sake of humanity or closer to home through investment in your future or extra bucks for the family budget.

Did pursuit of your ambition cause you to forsake lesser things? Did you reject to the opportunity to play with the kids after school because piano practice had a stronger draw? Did you face your fear of public speaking when you pitched your startup to a group of investors?

Our ambitions and dreams have a way of revealing our fears or weaknesses, and giving us a chance to face them head on. Those bold innovators we read about in the business magazines have been willing to sacrifice, invest, and chase their dreams until success was within their grasp.

The frustrating part is that our journey may be similar but not identical. There is no guarantee that after 831 nights on a brother's basement couch, and hawking your dream, you will be mentioned as one of Oprah's favorite things.

Our story is our own. Pursuing the dream is ours and ours alone. 

I spent the day at Monticello, the beloved home of Thomas Jefferson the author of the Declaration of Independence. Surrounded by the Virginia mountainside, where he grew up, and informed by the view from his porch, his words are even more powerful. 

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." U.S. Declaration of Independence.

Jefferson was silent about any guarantee of achievement, only the right to pursue happiness. I would rather he finish the declaration to mandate I get what I want. However, the founding fathers understood the importance of the pursuit.

The dream, ambition, and pursuit are ours.

What have you learned from your journey in the pursuit of happiness? What have you learned about people? What have you learned about your perseverance? How has your character been refined? What eternal truths have solidified in your mind?

What have you sacrificed for your ambition?

sac·ri·fice. noun
An act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.

What is it that you are giving up? When the perfect partner came into your life,  was it the time with the fellas at the bar or girls night out? Did the newborn beat out all other competition? The latest job includes intense pressure to produce and requires more hours at the office and family time is set aside?

Frank discussion is the intention, not guilt.

I ran a handyman business on the side for seven years. Family discussions about late evenings or entire weekends away to make extra bucks were difficult.

I tried to make the most of the opportunity by bringing my son along to spend time with him, teach a trade and work ethic, and the need for another set of hands. Recently, he was reflecting on the experience and stated it would have been nice to take a weekend off each month vice working every weekend carrying drywall or solving plumbing issues.

Weekends at home were rare. Driving through neighborhoods, I would witness dads throwing a ball with their sons in the backyard on a lazy Saturday afternoon and would long for the same opportunity.

Anything of great value includes a sacrifice, and the fruits of our ambition demand nothing less.

What is the downside of your ambition? Clueless about the latest TV shows and movies? Is the beer belly shrinking due to less time at the local watering hole? Missed birthdays or weddings? Carrying bags under your eyes from a sleep deficit?

In hindsight, some are easier to justify than others. No one ever said changing the world is easy or painless.

Going Deeper: What ambition proved to be worth the sacrifice? What is your process for making the determination to give yourself wholly to your idea? What did you learn from an ambition that didn't turn out as desired? How does this experience inform your future