How have cultural expectations shaped you?

April 30, 2017

People like us don't do things like that. You should or shouldn't do what you are about to do.

Our culture provides an onslaught of must do's and better not's, but are they really for our good or just a set of guidelines to be considered.

I am a fan of "men being men" and the differentiation between the sexes, but what did the common refrain from the John Wayne era movies, "boys don't cry" actually deliver? Did the fruit of this mindset give rise to the silent veteran forbidden from openly...

What are your family memories?

April 16, 2017

My how times have changed.

I borrowed the family history from a 96-year-old friend. She recorded the stories of her husband and his sisters, in 1996, before they passed away. The story started with a wedding in 1909 and chronicled life growing up on a Maryland farm outside of DC.

The first description to capture my imagination was from a rare trip to West Virginia to visit family. "There were no surfaced roads in the mountains, just wagon trails. The kids would get out of the car, and stand on the running boards, on the upper side of the car to keep it from...

How are others showing love to you?

April 9, 2017

A review of our social media highlight reel makes it easy to recognize how lovable we are. After all, look at all the selfies in just the right light, with the perfect smile. We have curated just the right online profile that shows us at our best.

We may be working on being generous to ourselves, but at least we know how we give and receive love.

What happens when we think we deserve love from those around us and it...

How do you know your commitment will last?

April 2, 2017

I have read a lot of books and attended countless conferences. My emotions carry me away with each turn of the page or charismatic speaker. I make grandiose plans to stop doing some things and start others. The resulting commitment lasts about as long as a New Years resolution.

The newest lifestyle decision I made that stuck, had a notable characteristic. I have dabbled with the gluten-free choice for several years. Two months ago, I decided to move forward and restrict gluten from my diet. The notable feature was the...

When do you expand your vocabulary?

March 26, 2017

Every new job comes with a new round of acronyms and the secret language of the existing culture. The new love interest is different than the last and leaves one yearning for King Ptolemy to commission another Rosetta stone and share the cryptic expressions of love. Learning a foreign language is well, like learning a foreign language. We listen intently to piece together the unknown and known.

A friend was reflecting on her relationship with her daughter and wanted to take decisive steps to improve this connection. She decided to start with...

How do you forage for positivity?

March 19, 2017

Buried treasure was just waiting to be found. I knew it had to be true. Inside the back cover of my comic book shined a full-color advertisement, of the perfect metal detector. Dials, lights, and gauges decorated the shiny control panel. The muscle-bound treasure hunter, walked down the beach, with the prized metal detector in one hand and a bag of riches in the other. The surprised expression of his bikini-clad girlfriend squealed another discovery was imminent.

The possibilities were endless, and I knew the beach would reveal its buried treasure. However, my beachcombing dreams were dashed. My father...

How can you use your constraints as an advantage?

March 5, 2017

The professor asked us about our working environment. We spent five minutes outlining all our challenges. The constrained budget, compressed timelines, suppliers failing to deliver on the requirements, and a myriad of other problems.

This discussion was during the first class of an executive crash course at a top-tier business school. It felt good to get this off our collective chest, as we shared the common difficulties. Knowing the school's reputation, we were counting on the answers to all our problems.

The professor paused and asked, "how can you use these constraints to your advantage?"

The question stripped us of...

What sales job do you dread?

February 26, 2017

Every day we sell our ideas. Mom sells her five-year-old on the need to finish his brussel sprouts, the awkward teenager pitches attending the prom to a love interest, and we lobby for our favorite restaurant on date night.

The confident sales rep knows her product will genuinely change the client's life for the better. This pitch is easy.

What about the other circumstances?

The anticipation can feel like you swallowed a millstone for a mid-afternoon snack.

What does it look like to:
Build a case for full...

How do you notice the invisible?

February 12, 2017

The food court kebob joint was backed up. After placing my order, I was immersed in the impatient, receipt looking, foot tapping vibe, radiating from those awaiting their meal. The food looked good and smelled wonderful, but we struggled as the nearby burger, salad, and taco joints quickly delivered their bounty, in mere seconds.

We waited as the flames slowly cooked the skewers of protein. The staff hustled to prepare the plates of salad and rice while avoiding eye contact with the restless customers.

A reluctant mother dodged glaring looks and pressed her way to the front of the pickup line. Her young daughter recognized the young woman behind the counter, from her neighborhood and wanted to say "hi." This pint-sized, etiquette-breaking little girl...

Who doesn't deserve your unity?

January 25, 2017

The soldier's life ebbed into the foreign soil.

She knew the risks, but the siren call to dedicate her life in service to the United States was the call she answered. The fabric of her country is diverse in color, texture, strength, density, and weave; no swatch is the same.

She loved her republic in spite of the stains, wear patterns, snags, and tears which strain the seams. The inner beauty of her people's shared purpose, freedoms, independence, and charity amplified the physical beauty of the land.

Under the armor, her heart pulsed with hope. The possibility...

How do you define unity?

January 23, 2017

I snapped a picture of the flyer because the words were toppling with irony. The coffee shop flyer announced a get-together celebrating "unity" and a bulleted list of those to whom it applied.

The list did not include my demographic.

Thankfully, my love cup was not chipped.

If I crashed the party, were welcoming arms awaiting me, or would I have been the lone guy in the corner receiving sideways...

How do you prepare for trials?

January 22, 2017

The U.S. spent $100B to ensure the swing of a second hand turning the millennium, did not crash the modern computer infrastructure during the run-up to Y2K. Pending hurricanes quickly clear store shelves of plywood, batteries, bottled water, milk, bread, and toilet paper. Insurance and financial advisers pitch solutions to mitigate catastrophe and reach personal goals.

How do you prepare for the storms of life during...

How do you look beyond your current trial?

January 21, 2017

Being stuck in the middle of the storm sucks.

It is scary.

Uncertainty abounds.

The feeling of everything you have is slipping away and never to return spikes the urge for fight or flight. The need to lash out at those closest to us causes long-term damage. Shortness of breath and the inability to sleep sends us deeper into the death spiral.

However, popular memes and business seminars quip...

What storms did your parents endure?

January 19, 2017

Until recently, very little changed between generations. Children would grow up knowing the same world as their parents. Not so today. Our parent's generation lived in a time we will never understand.

My mom walked through former orange groves and watched the construction of Disneyland on her way to school. She experienced some strange family situations as a young girl, her oldest daughter dying in a horse accident, divorce, life as a single parent before remarrying and enduring me.

My dad watched his brother fight polio and wither...

How have trials shaped you?

January 17, 2017

Pressure creates diamonds.

Poverty, abuse, persecution, racism, death, bullying, and a myriad of other wrongs influence how we encounter the world.

The social norms of the day may have swept events under the rug or threats silenced the reporting. But, you remember and carry these memories in your bones.

Writer, Debbie Millman (@debbiemillman), openly discusses the sexual, physical, and mental abuse she received as a child and youth. Counseling has helped her...

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