Not the life your parents planned.
Not the life you imagined as a kid.
Not the life planned for retirement.
Not the life depicted in social media.
Not the life expected by high school friends.
Not the life anticipated at college graduation.
But this life, the one you are living right now.
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Disclaimer: I never claimed to be normal.
I really wanted a dog. My dad said I needed to prove I was responsible before we invested in a dog. We visited the pet store and settled on a rat as my first pet. Squeaker was all black except for a white necktie on his chest.
I poured a lot of love into this rodent. I ensured the dribbles of batter on the griddle each Saturday morning would guarantee a pancake breakfast for my companion. I tucked my t-shirt into my pants and rode my bike around the neighborhood with him riding on my shoulder or running around my waistline in my shirt.
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Every experience can teach us something. Too often we don't take the time to unpack the the insights and lessons. The world is moving fast and will not make introspection easy.
When an accident happens on the job, managers pull the team together to conduct an investigation to understand the process breakdowns that led to the issue. The organization reviews processes, and updates procedures to ensure avoiding a repeat accident in the future.
What investigations do you work through for the good things in your life? Reviewing our lives and redoubling our efforts is a common practice at the beginning of the year, birthdays, or other milestones. Understanding what is working and why it is working can be a powerful tool to enhance effectiveness and duplicate these successes to other areas of life.
What are the findings of the thankfulness investigation in your life?
Did you learn who you legitimately care for and others not as deeply as you thought?
How you define gratitude?
Who has invested in your life?
Imagined what could have happened and didn't?
Determine if you are an optimist or a pessimist?
If we don't learn the lesson, the first time we will often get more opportunities to learn the same lesson again. I have plenty of unpleasant experiences that I didn't learn the first time, and repeating the curriculum is bitter.
Let's make the most of the educational opportunity that life delivers. Choose to repeat the life-giving experiences and move on from the negative.
It is easy to be thankful when the belly is full, and family laughter fills the warm home. How do you express thankfulness for the struggles and dark times that delivered you to today?
We celebrate our differences; skin tone, hometown, dialect, tattoos, and talents. Only Ken and Barbie are "perfect," and a figment of the toymaker's imagination. Conversations reveal our imperfect stories that are far more complicated than merely being taken out of a box and put on a shelf to be admired.
The beauty of the smile is the character that has overcome the scars of life. The unfulfilled dreams, broken promises, wrongs committed and wrongs suffered are part of the human experience. All are engaged in their own battle, and some have encountered the depths of hell on earth.
But,
This is not where the story ends.
Our path is unique. No one brings the same set of talents with the same assortment of experiences. We must embrace both our brokenness and successes as part of our story.
In this embrace, we encounter the mystery of thankfulness in the abyss of difficult times. It is here that straightness is found in crookedness, beauty in ugliness, and light in the darkness. Often only through the lens of time can the goodness be found.
The wisdom of the ancients fills history books recounting that perseverance can only be attained through pain and suffering. The athlete trains through difficult circumstances to harden her body to prepare for the rigors of competition.
How have you converted what was meant for evil into goodness?
More hard times are on the way and will require your perseverance and strength. Turning to face your history and finding a reason for thankfulness will embolden you as the sun rises on tomorrow. Tomorrow is expecting a stronger you to climb out of the ashes.
Going Further: What challenges are you now thankful you encountered? How does this inform your perspective on difficulty? How have these experiences helped you relate to others? How does your brokenness influence your thankfulness?
By definition, the mundane is, well, ordinary and non-spectacular.
Meeting the President, securing a round of seed funding, watching your child take her first steps or receiving a diploma live up to the title of milestones or "once in a lifetime" events.
Even though I have Facebook and Instagram accounts with pretty pictures, I don't live the life of the rich and famous. The mundane is where we spend the majority of our time. No matter how much time we spend posing for a picture or capturing our lunch in a photograph, the ordinary is waiting for our return.
Our modern world rejects the common or at least tries to make it glamorous. My spell checker is flagging the use of "common" in the last sentence because it is overused and recommending other words that reflect an expansive vocabulary.
This is equivalent to waiting for the afternoon sunlight to touch the cheese and Wonderbread sandwich just right, before taking a picture to post on social media. 800,000 photos in an archive and nothing comes up when I search for "mundane," it ain't sexy.
We must capitalize on the massive block of time that comprises the minutes between birth and death. Thankfulness can transform the moments waiting to be picked up from school, cleaning the bathroom, cooking another dinner, or waiting in traffic (grrrrr).
Being caught in traffic on my way to the office means I have a job. Picking up blocks for the umpteenth time reminds me of the children in the next room. Arguing with dad about politics reveals that he is still alive. Paying the insurance bill indicates that I will get care to address a catastrophic diagnosis.
The thankfulness list is endless when given the time to adjust our perspective. When the first list is exhausted, comparing our lives to those who live in impoverished or war-torn nations or our list is exponential.
Let's rethink and recognize the blessings of the mundane. These moments are added up to equal a lifetime, and for that, we can be thankful.
Going Futher: How have you taken the mundane things in your life for granted? How can you embrace the mundane? How would this change impact your daily outlook?
Photo credit: My dishwasher rejects the label of mundane. It is working a rebranding strategy and available for photo shoots as a sexy dishwasher. DM for details.
Spell checker disclaimer: I love my spell checker, it continues to help me produce a better product for your consumption. As a result, we are all thankful to Grammarly.com. Thanks, guys!
All action movies end in the same way. The heroine is smudged with black soot in just the right places, clothing is shredded enough to show sexy abs, and the high heels are long gone. The hero emerges from the wreckage with either alien blood or the villain's blood mingled with his own and arrives at his lover's side in time to see the sun setting on a world unforeseen.
The characters overflow with gratitude to be alive and relieved Earth's destruction is averted for another day. These two emotions, gratitude, and relief comprise thankfulness. The hero's journey provides the perfect outline for you and me to identify where we most encounter thankfulness.
The heroine gives the hero a kiss (gratitude) for saving her life (relief). The hero shakes the police chief's hand (gratitude) for the backup at the critical moment to avert his untimely death (relief).
How do you express thankfulness?
This is tricky since we have to provide the second component, relief. Most often, I only deliver on the gratitude. If I want to express thankfulness to my wife for dinner, I need to nail both elements.
Thankfulness would look something like, "Thank-you for dinner, the flavors worked well together, and without it, I would have made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or gone to bed hungry. In either case, my growling stomach would have kept us both up and woken the boogie man under the bed." (Refer to the hero's journey above)
Thankfulness becomes a much richer experience for both parties when fully expressed. This exchange becomes a chance to talk about the impact of what could have happened if the intervention did not occur.
The expression of thankfulness around the Thanksgiving table becomes more intimate as family and friends share the often overlooked 'relief' component, for others to appreciate.
The good news is that this expression is not limited to one day out of the year. Every day we will encounter those that deserve our thankfulness all it takes is paying attention to the acts of kindness that occur each day.
Going Further: Do you include both components when expressing thankfulness? What response do you receive when expressing thankfulness? How do you feel and what do you think when someone thanking you cites specific actions and how it has impacted their life? How can you improve your thankfulness game?
It is 12:15 am, and I am starting to write yesterday's post. I was in bed with blankets giving comfort from the blustery winds and real feel temperature of 16 degrees Fahrenheit outside, but I had not written a post.
I reasoned the community would let it slide.
The topic this week is thankfulness. America celebrates Thanksgiving this Thursday by getting together with friends and family. We eat a lot of rich food, renew relationships or argue about our differences, watch American football, and if all goes well catch a bit of a nap in the afternoon.
I live an abundant life that includes; a marriage of many years, children I love, meaningful work, vibrant spiritual community, and a writing project to inspire others to a richer life. I am a thankful man and have experienced many blessings.
On two occasions this weekend, I met gentlemen, that while not wealthy, said that if they were to die today, they are pleased with the life they have lived and are very happy. All three of us are content, and this is a good place to be.
While we are content, we are not complacent. There is much work to be done and it requires getting up out of a warm bed to do what is necessary.
My important task is to thank you for your attention and kind encouragement over these past several months as I brought this idea to life. We have covered many topics through the gift of inquiry. Most people are unwilling to pause, think, and encounter who they are deep down inside. This work can be time-consuming and scary, which is not popular in today's world.
Thank-you for the likes and comments of prose or emoji love. For the followers that stick around to see the new weekly topics and consider how the questions influence or impact your lives, I am grateful.
Seth Godin discusses the importance of consistency and showing up to do the work. Gary V talks about the #hustle and #grind of putting in the work. The easy response is to listen to the howling winds, duck further under the covers, and hustle off to dreamland. You are worth more than the easy response, and I am thankful for your presence at the other end of the Internet.
Falling short is easy. New Year's resolutions are around the corner. We will prove how easy it is to not follow-through on the new diet or workout routine soon enough.
Our best-self lays our plans and goals we want to accomplish. These noble goals are things we want to change about ourselves and the world around us. This is the self we look to for inspiration for a changed world. What does this self have to say about your embrace of diversity for today and tomorrow? What happened yesterday is done; we look to the future.
How will you encourage diversity to flourish?
Last night was a discussion with friends, and one was at the opposite end of the political spectrum. I want to develop and appreciate more friends like her. Tonight was welcoming racial diversity at out table among a sea of white faces. I want to become quicker to engage those that are different than me.
One purpose of goal setting is to grow into the person we envision our best-self to be. The nightly news showcases the worst of what humanity does to each other. For 29.5 minutes the broadcast is horrific, only confirming our worst fears. At best, the final 30 seconds is a glimpse of the generosity humanity has to offer.
Sadly, good news doesn't sell. Fortunately, the good news we generate will impact those we interact with each day. You and I can change the world. Extending kindness to the foreigner can make all the difference in the world.
The holiday season approaches, and opportunities for division, strife, and angst will abound. The temptation to come to the dinner table prepared with all the latest political or social arguments to deride the brother-in-law is almost too much to pass up. Does successfully crucifying those across the table reflect an appreciation of diversity?
There is a choice; fulfill the stereotype and come ready for battle, or be a rebel, a renegade, a radical, a maverick, or a nonconformist and come ready to love.
One choice is natural, expected, and no one will call you out on it. The other choice is hard. It requires patience, kindness, a willingness to listen, humility, and a bunch of other virtues that everyone reposts on social media.
Your best-self is brave enough for the second choice.
Company websites will tout race and gender diversity information to recruit employees and win customers. The TV news reflects the continuing American struggle for racial equality and diversity.
Students do not equally pursue computer sciences across racial and gender lines. Since 2014, Gallup and Google have teamed up to understand the contributing factors that continue to drive this trend. I attended a Mastermind group that was best described as, "stale, pale and male." It was a pleasure to see someone other than an older, white guy engaged in conversation.
These are the most common diversity discussions. What are the other conversations that need to be brought out into the open for a broader discussion?
What is the impact of diversity on science? Ph.D. candidate, Kellie Owens questioned, "do diversity program directors seek to increase diversity in science because of political motives, [...] or because they believe that racially diverse workforces will produce better science?"
Ms. Owens found the diversity program directors were split between whether a diverse community made the science better. All directors fought for diversity; the question was about the impact on the scientific results. The argument against the impact of diversity was to say that science is "blind" and the skin color of the person running the experiment would not change the outcome.
How does your local club, church, or synagogue resemble your community? Often the group we surround ourselves with, look and sound much like the one we greet each morning in the mirror. If we are outwardly focused and seeking to impact society, then drawing from society must be on the to-do list.
A friend mentioned businesses often overlook the benefits of diversity of thought. He has found new ideas and innovation emerge from a mix of experiences, backgrounds, and education.
We have an opportunity to reflect and consider what ways our lives are homogeneous. Keeping the status quo will at best, maintain the current state of affairs. Change and a pinch of pain are part of the process of radical growth.
Going Further: What other pockets of diversity need to emerge from the shadows? What is one step you can take to broaden the diversity discussion? Who can you tag team with to bring about change? What question was missed?
To quote a great American, my wife, "what are you waiting for, New Year's?" Get writing!
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keep going, don't stop, you are on a roll!
Going Further: When thinking about diversity, how do you limit yourself? What false barriers do you erect? What categories can you push deeper into and make subcategories? What perceptions does this exercise challenge?
We hate change and embracing diversity demands change.
It is easier to keep an arm's length from those that are different. I don't need to learn a new language, experience another culture, or expand my group of friends. No need to spend time adjusting my preconceived notions that may have been slightly askew.
The effect goes beyond trying a new restaurant.
As the foundations of apartheid in South Africa began to crumble, the white minorities in authority, were to realize a loss of power, influence, and wealth. As much as the progressives wanted the grievous practice to end, there was apprehension about how diversity would be embraced across the country. In a single day, the black majority embraced diversity with the white minority, as equal.
The Palestinian father's stomach is knotted as his youngest daughter, with fingers interlaced, pulls her Israeli boyfriend up the front walkway.
As the father in Fiddler On The Roof, Tevye, struggles with changing times and reminisces about the importance of tradition. Diversity pushes its way into the family by the love interest of each daughter. After all, this is how he has seen the world all his life, and now things are changing.
There will always be some new frontier that society will push to embrace as the next level of diversity. Your sure footing will be loosened by the interconnected world coming to your doorstep. Constant change is here to stay.
Going Further: How has a call to diversity arrived on your doorstep? How have you struggled to embrace diversity? What has been one benefit to diversity?
The human race likes to segment each other into groups, us and them. The conflict between rival gangs drives the plot of the Broadway show and film, West Side Story. The Sharks, are from Puerto Rico and the Jets, are local white kids. In the musical Grease, the conflict is between the T-Birds and Scorpions.
What were the divides and disputes when you were growing up?
A quick review of my Senior class yearbook revealed the minority population of Latino, Asian, and African American students was a whopping 6.835938% (rounded to the millionths place, so it feels like a bigger number). There were so few minorities; the white kids had to develop other ways to segregate. As a result, we self-selected into the standard categories promoted in Disney movies; jocks, brains, cheerleaders, cowboys, and stoners (those that smoked cigarettes behind school). Those that didn't fit into a neat category represented the unidentified mass.
My kids had a different experience. Their high school was 21% white and had a significant impact on shaping worldviews. My daughter cited the need for racial diversity as a primary driver while investigating colleges.
Where did the dividing lines emerge for you? Was it around religious sects, grades, race, after school activities, sexual orientation, socioeconomic gradients, academics, or language?
How did your crowd talk about others? What events drove the groups to break down barriers? Did you work to break the divides down or to reinforce them? How have you grown to appreciate diversity since your high school days? Where have you seen the most change?
The Fall colors were not spectacular. The reds and burgundy trees were noticeably absent from the Instagram feed of Minnesota photographer, Jordan Powers (@jrdnpwrs). Come on; this is fall, and the vibrant colors should either make my eyes bleed or my brain weary from processing the mass of color. I commented that the photos reminded me of 1970s landscape paintings. All I remember were lots of yellow trees.
His photos stuck with me because they revealed a beauty I was not expecting.
The tree colors are also muted in the Washington DC region this year. I went out for a walk in the woods this weekend to enjoy the sunny skies and brisk temperature. The woodlands were painted every hue of yellow and gold.
As much as I watched for the bright red shades, I found myself appreciating the beautiful diversity of subtle colors. If the bright colors were there, I would have primarily focused on them and missed the other 95%.
Appreciating diversity can be like an oblivious trip through the autumn forest. I meet the woman from a seemingly strange land, and I concentrate on our noticeable differences like the hijab, skin color, or language. I miss our subtle similarities; her dreams, fears, relationships and worries about parents or children, or things that make her laugh.
Only noticing the brightly colored trees of her looks, I will miss the beauty that resides in the rest of the forest. If I dare talk for long, I will find more in common at a base human level, than ever imagined.
How much more, is the case for the neighbor or co-worker that have grown-up in our same region of the world. There will always be the stark differences or areas of disagreement. The choice is to embrace both the rich and subtle beauty of the humans around us or reject the entirety.
Going Further: When have you been patient long enough to appreciate the subtleties of someone different than you? How have you applied those lessons learned? What would be the global impact if this perspective was widely adopted? How can you use this mindset as the holiday's approach?
Tolerate is the verb of diversity, and it is a poor choice.
tol·er·ate, verb.
a: to allow to be or to be done without prohibition, hindrance, or contradiction
b: to put up with; to put up with something trying or painful.
Is tolerance the best we can hope for today? A worldwide connection of people offering the best of every corner of the globe is at our fingertips. Why do we choose to describe this interconnectedness with merely "putting up" with one another?
Where do you define the limits of acceptable diversity; race, political, religious, sexual orientation, fiscal, or sports teams? What worldviews are your third rail and will never be included within your definition of acceptable diversity? We conveniently affix the label of "phobia" to the category outside the acceptable diversity circle, add in a bit of "ignorant," and they are now perfectly dead to us. God help us if they show up to the Thanksgiving table and don't talk to me about toleration!
We teach our kids to embrace their own interests, talents, what makes them unique, and encourage play with others on the playground. We repost our favorite memes that encourage following your own path but bristle when someone follows through and shares a different worldview.
Let's try "appreciate" instead of "tolerate" as the diversity verb of choice.
ap·pre·ci·ate, verb.
a: to grasp the nature, worth, quality, or significance of
b: to judge with heightened perception or understanding: be fully aware of
c: to recognize with gratitude
Appreciation forces a discussion to understand, instead of relying upon a comfortable judgment and issuing a dismissive stereotype. It is a rare individual that has achieved all wisdom without a journey. Perhaps you and I have not reached enlightenment yet. Just maybe, one of those "third rail" people has something to teach us.
Those other kids on the playground talk funny, have names difficult to pronounce, dress weird, and eat strange foods. However, since we are grownups, maybe we appreciate the diversity of the other "kids" on the playground. From the moon's perspective, we are all in this together. Tolerance is easy; appreciation is hard, thankfully someone has been doing it for us.
Going Further: What relationship needs to shift to appreciation? What are your "third rail" topics? What groups do you refuse to integrate into your "diversity" definition?
Definition Source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/
Roughly 57% of eligible voters cast a ballot in the 2016 US Presidential election.
Shortly after an election, a surprisingly small number of people can recall who was elected or who their elected officials are.
An even smaller number actually engage elected officials over the course of the term. That old saying, "every vote counts" is amplified as we reach out to influence our representatives.
President Obama receives about 10,000 correspondence items a day and reads ten curated items every night he is at the White House. His staff reads and sorts every email and letter sent to the White House. A senior staffer decides what letters provide the best cross section and counter points to address current issues and forwards for the Presidents nightly reading.
Your representatives have a smaller constituency and receive less correspondence. This reduced engagement provides your opportunity to engage, lobby for your voice to be heard.
It takes a personal touch to cut through the noise of today's world; this is your opportunity to be the one to make an impact.
Going Further: Who are your elected officials, from the President to the leader of your kid's school council? What changes do you think need to happen? What is one step you can take to make your voice heard? How can you use the lack of others engagement, to become known by your representatives?