What diversity does your best-self want?

Falling short is easy. New Year's resolutions are around the corner. We will prove how easy it is to not follow-through on the new diet or workout routine soon enough.

Our best-self lays our plans and goals we want to accomplish. These noble goals are things we want to change about ourselves and the world around us. This is the self we look to for inspiration for a changed world. What does this self have to say about your embrace of diversity for today and tomorrow? What happened yesterday is done; we look to the future.

How will you encourage diversity to flourish?

Last night was a discussion with friends, and one was at the opposite end of the political spectrum. I want to develop and appreciate more friends like her. Tonight was welcoming racial diversity at out table among a sea of white faces. I want to become quicker to engage those that are different than me.

One purpose of goal setting is to grow into the person we envision our best-self to be. The nightly news showcases the worst of what humanity does to each other. For 29.5 minutes the broadcast is horrific, only confirming our worst fears. At best, the final 30 seconds is a glimpse of the generosity humanity has to offer.

Sadly, good news doesn't sell. Fortunately, the good news we generate will impact those we interact with each day. You and I can change the world. Extending kindness to the foreigner can make all the difference in the world.

The holiday season approaches, and opportunities for division, strife, and angst will abound. The temptation to come to the dinner table prepared with all the latest political or social arguments to deride the brother-in-law is almost too much to pass up. Does successfully crucifying those across the table reflect an appreciation of diversity?

There is a choice; fulfill the stereotype and come ready for battle, or be a rebel, a renegade, a radical, a maverick, or a nonconformist and come ready to love.

One choice is natural, expected, and no one will call you out on it. The other choice is hard. It requires patience, kindness, a willingness to listen, humility, and a bunch of other virtues that everyone reposts on social media.

Your best-self is brave enough for the second choice.

What conversations about diversity are missing?

Company websites will tout race and gender diversity information to recruit employees and win customers. The TV news reflects the continuing American struggle for racial equality and diversity.

Students do not equally pursue computer sciences across racial and gender lines. Since 2014, Gallup and Google have teamed up to understand the contributing factors that continue to drive this trend. I attended a Mastermind group that was best described as, "stale, pale and male." It was a pleasure to see someone other than an older, white guy engaged in conversation.

These are the most common diversity discussions. What are the other conversations that need to be brought out into the open for a broader discussion?

What is the impact of diversity on science? Ph.D. candidate, Kellie Owens questioned, "do diversity program directors seek to increase diversity in science because of political motives, [...] or because they believe that racially diverse workforces will produce better science?"

Ms. Owens found the diversity program directors were split between whether a diverse community made the science better. All directors fought for diversity; the question was about the impact on the scientific results. The argument against the impact of diversity was to say that science is "blind" and the skin color of the person running the experiment would not change the outcome.

How does your local club, church, or synagogue resemble your community? Often the group we surround ourselves with, look and sound much like the one we greet each morning in the mirror. If we are outwardly focused and seeking to impact society, then drawing from society must be on the to-do list.

A friend mentioned businesses often overlook the benefits of diversity of thought. He has found new ideas and innovation emerge from a mix of experiences, backgrounds, and education.

We have an opportunity to reflect and consider what ways our lives are homogeneous. Keeping the status quo will at best, maintain the current state of affairs. Change and a pinch of pain are part of the process of radical growth.

Going Further: What other pockets of diversity need to emerge from the shadows? What is one step you can take to broaden the diversity discussion? Who can you tag team with to bring about change? What question was missed?

How did you define diversity in high school?

The human race likes to segment each other into groups, us and them. The conflict between rival gangs drives the plot of the Broadway show and film, West Side Story. The Sharks, are from Puerto Rico and the Jets, are local white kids. In the musical Grease, the conflict is between the T-Birds and Scorpions.

What were the divides and disputes when you were growing up?

A quick review of my Senior class yearbook revealed the minority population of Latino, Asian, and African American students was a whopping 6.835938% (rounded to the millionths place, so it feels like a bigger number). There were so few minorities; the white kids had to develop other ways to segregate. As a result, we self-selected into the standard categories promoted in Disney movies; jocks, brains, cheerleaders, cowboys, and stoners (those that smoked cigarettes behind school). Those that didn't fit into a neat category represented the unidentified mass.

My kids had a different experience. Their high school was 21% white and had a significant impact on shaping worldviews. My daughter cited the need for racial diversity as a primary driver while investigating colleges.

Where did the dividing lines emerge for you? Was it around religious sects, grades, race, after school activities, sexual orientation, socioeconomic gradients, academics, or language?

How did your crowd talk about others? What events drove the groups to break down barriers? Did you work to break the divides down or to reinforce them? How have you grown to appreciate diversity since your high school days? Where have you seen the most change?

How do you appreciate the subtleties of diversity?

The Fall colors were not spectacular. The reds and burgundy trees were noticeably absent from the Instagram feed of Minnesota photographer, Jordan Powers (@jrdnpwrs). Come on; this is fall, and the vibrant colors should either make my eyes bleed or my brain weary from processing the mass of color. I commented that the photos reminded me of 1970s landscape paintings. All I remember were lots of yellow trees.

His photos stuck with me because they revealed a beauty I was not expecting.

The tree colors are also muted in the Washington DC region this year. I went out for a walk in the woods this weekend to enjoy the sunny skies and brisk temperature. The woodlands were painted every hue of yellow and gold.

As much as I watched for the bright red shades, I found myself appreciating the beautiful diversity of subtle colors. If the bright colors were there, I would have primarily focused on them and missed the other 95%.

Appreciating diversity can be like an oblivious trip through the autumn forest. I meet the woman from a seemingly strange land, and I concentrate on our noticeable differences like the hijab, skin color, or language. I miss our subtle similarities; her dreams, fears, relationships and worries about parents or children, or things that make her laugh.

Only noticing the brightly colored trees of her looks, I will miss the beauty that resides in the rest of the forest. If I dare talk for long, I will find more in common at a base human level, than ever imagined.

How much more, is the case for the neighbor or co-worker that have grown-up in our same region of the world. There will always be the stark differences or areas of disagreement. The choice is to embrace both the rich and subtle beauty of the humans around us or reject the entirety.

Going Further: When have you been patient long enough to appreciate the subtleties of someone different than you? How have you applied those lessons learned? What would be the global impact if this perspective was widely adopted? How can you use this mindset as the holiday's approach?

Do you appreciate or tolerate?

Tolerate is the verb of diversity, and it is a poor choice.

tol·er·ate, verb.
a:  to allow to be or to be done without prohibition, hindrance, or contradiction
b:  to put up with; to put up with something trying or painful.

Is tolerance the best we can hope for today? A worldwide connection of people offering the best of every corner of the globe is at our fingertips. Why do we choose to describe this interconnectedness with merely "putting up" with one another?

Where do you define the limits of acceptable diversity; race, political, religious, sexual orientation, fiscal, or sports teams? What worldviews are your third rail and will never be included within your definition of acceptable diversity? We conveniently affix the label of "phobia" to the category outside the acceptable diversity circle, add in a bit of "ignorant," and they are now perfectly dead to us. God help us if they show up to the Thanksgiving table and don't talk to me about toleration!

We teach our kids to embrace their own interests, talents, what makes them unique, and encourage play with others on the playground. We repost our favorite memes that encourage following your own path but bristle when someone follows through and shares a different worldview.

Let's try "appreciate" instead of "tolerate" as the diversity verb of choice.

ap·pre·ci·ate, verb.
a:  to grasp the nature, worth, quality, or significance of
b:  to judge with heightened perception or understanding: be fully aware of
c:  to recognize with gratitude

Appreciation forces a discussion to understand, instead of relying upon a comfortable judgment and issuing a dismissive stereotype. It is a rare individual that has achieved all wisdom without a journey. Perhaps you and I have not reached enlightenment yet. Just maybe, one of those "third rail" people has something to teach us.

Those other kids on the playground talk funny, have names difficult to pronounce, dress weird, and eat strange foods. However, since we are grownups, maybe we appreciate the diversity of the other "kids" on the playground. From the moon's perspective, we are all in this together. Tolerance is easy; appreciation is hard, thankfully someone has been doing it for us.

Going Further: What relationship needs to shift to appreciation? What are your "third rail" topics? What groups do you refuse to integrate into your "diversity" definition?

Definition Source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/

How can you impact political policies?

Roughly 57% of eligible voters cast a ballot in the 2016 US Presidential election.

Shortly after an election, a surprisingly small number of people can recall who was elected or who their elected officials are.

An even smaller number actually engage elected officials over the course of the term. That old saying, "every vote counts" is amplified as we reach out to influence our representatives.

President Obama receives about 10,000 correspondence items a day and reads ten curated items every night he is at the White House. His staff reads and sorts every email and letter sent to the White House. A senior staffer decides what letters provide the best cross section and counter points to address current issues and forwards for the Presidents nightly reading.

Your representatives have a smaller constituency and receive less correspondence. This reduced engagement provides your opportunity to engage, lobby for your voice to be heard.

It takes a personal touch to cut through the noise of today's world; this is your opportunity to be the one to make an impact.

Going Further: Who are your elected officials, from the President to the leader of your kid's school council? What changes do you think need to happen? What is one step you can take to make your voice heard? How can you use the lack of others engagement, to become known by your representatives?

How do you honor Veterans?

The flag memorialized my grandfather's military service and draped his casket. I wore the patch early in my Navy career and found it with my father's tie clasps after his death. The pin honors my qualification in the submarine service, the proudest moment in my career. I wore the hat while stationed onboard the USS Alexandria (SSN-757) submarine.

I shipped out to boot camp in Great Lakes, Michigan on December 7th, 1988. 47 years after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Marching through the Michigan winter to chow, and the intense smell of moth balls embedded in our uniforms are memories that have stuck.

One early morning, I stood lookout on top of the submarine as we were returning to port in Groton, Connecticut. It was a crisp morning, the seas were calm, and the predawn was stunning. The massive warship rumbled at our feet, effortlessly parting the surface of Long Island Sound over the bow. This perch was a magical vantage point to greet the day.

A few short hours later I sat in my car and waited for the red light to turn green. As I watched people going about their daily routines, I realized, no one else started their day, the same way I did.

During Desert Storm, I was in a shipyard helping deliver a new submarine to the Fleet. As an added perk, I met my wife, of 23 years, while in the shipyard. The Navy has been good to me and my service was far easier than others.

Today, the U.S. honors her Veterans. Memorial Day honors those who have died while serving. Veterans Day celebrates all Veterans who have served our nation. The men, women, and families that sacrifice an ordinary life to learn the art of war and ensure the horrors never reach our citizens.

Today, there is some young kid, standing lookout on the bridge of a submarine, watching the water break over the bow, and ensuring we are safe. We don't restrict our love for Mom to Mothers Day and don't need to limit our appreciation of Veteran's to a single day.

Every day is a good day to thank a Vet.

Going Further: Who are the Veteran's in your relational network? What stories have you heard? How have you expressed gratitude for their service? How do you support those that are currently serving?

How do you embrace election results?

The votes are tallied, results are in, and victory or concession speeches delivered. Euphoria for some, dread for others. Take time for celebration and mourning; both feelings are real and justified.

We have all won and lost; each is an opportunity? Is there gloating, boasting, and shaming of the opposition? Does the slightest victory fuel ideas of a mandate from the entire populous? Do anger, resentment, and a desire to hamstring the winners flood your being?

Raw emotions are an opportunity to understand our motives and what drives us. The artist probes the depth of passion for inspiration to pen a lyric, scribble a poem, or fill a canvas. We draw near to our family and friends through celebrations, suffering, and sorrows. Now is the time to hear the whispers of the heart that are drowned out during the heat of battle.

What effort do you put into listening to a cross section of the opposition? The election is done and provides an opportunity to set aside our bias to actually hear how others see the world. Before the vote, we are too busy forming a rebuttal to listen to what was said. Now is a time to listen, empathize, and possibly hear for the first time.

If approaching from a position of victory, it is time to listen for how to serve the minority. If approaching from a position of loss, it is time to listen to how the majority of the electorate sees the world. In either case, setting aside stereotypes and approaching with mere curiosity will surprise even the most certain.

Give your favorite news outlet and the national talking heads a chance to rest. The neighbor over the back fence is ready to talk honestly. You and I are complicated individuals and painting with a broad brush doesn't work.

Our nation is too beautiful to overlook the elegant details that comprise the mosaic of people. Differences will always be present. The temptation to divisiveness and hatred will always be an option. However, a daily choice is to treasure the physical and relational mosaic or smear paint over it with the broad brush of generalization.

Regardless of what political party takes office, you won. You get to choose today; detailed brush or broad brush?

What do you appreciate about politics in your country?

The USA will hold elections on Tuesday. This particular presidential election cycle has been one for the record books and will provide plenty to analyze for future changes.

The temptation is to spend our time emphasizing all that is wrong with the opposition, the country, and the political process. Push back against the temptation, cause the brain to sweat, and notice the good. This line of thought may require lubricant to get the rusted gears of our brain functioning.

The ability for each citizen to have a voice in the political process and influence the leadership of the country is a relatively new possibly. The opportunity to cast a vote per our conscious is a precious gift and must be treated as such.

Henry Ford famously quipped, "a customer can have a car painted any color he wants as long as it’s black." A choice of multiple political candidates is still a choice. The process is public, known, and anyone that desires can throw their hat in the ring to provide another choice.

I appreciate those willing to spend their lives serving constituents. Not everyone is prepared to endure the meat grinder that is the negative and media infused political process.

We, the flawed populous, have incredible freedoms protected by imperfect elected officials. This dynamic will ensure we fight for the diversity of thoughts and desires held by the people.

Internal diversity also exists. I don't see the world exactly the same today, as twenty years ago. It is good I don't get everything I want today because I won't be the same in another twenty years. Different perspectives provide space for transformation. If your positions don't grow and change over your lifetime, you have missed the point.

Going Further: How has this political season altered your view of politics? What has this season caused you to appreciate about previous elections? What political candidate do you appreciate and why?

How do you extend compassion to yourself?

Compassion doesn't equal indulgence. Compassion to oneself is not a license to eat the whole tub of ice cream or splurge on retail therapy at the mall.

This inquiry delves into our personal suffering and misfortune. No one gets out of this life unscathed. For eons, humanity struggled to stay alive long enough to see the next generation survive into adulthood. Life was brutal. A rape victim was told to get over it; this is a part of life, and you have work to do.

Most in the Western world have the means to survive and can now attend to the whole person. Unfortunately, the voices in our head can be our worst enemy.

Have you given yourself sufficient time to grieve the death of someone close to you? Whether sudden or a drawn out process, this death, separation, and memories flood our minds in the most surprising ways. Accepting the new normal takes time and living to adjust. Changing status to a widow, single parent, or orphan can take years.

Do you give yourself space to heal? Regardless of the trauma source, either internal or external, a place to recover relieves the pressure to deny the thinking and feelings that sweep over us when hurt. Pain hides in dark corners and until light reveals what lurks in the shadows; this painful enemy will undermine healing and disrupt plans for wellness.

How do you process your failures? The hot Silicon Valley phrase "fail fast" is an invaluable tool to understand what product changes the market demands. Failure is not always quick and often heartbreaking when we pour out our life, only to see the work go up in flames. When our business, marriage, relationships, or dreams fall apart, we must generously extend compassion to the face in the mirror.

Each of these examples has significant implications on how we encounter the world. We are not running from the black plague or living on pennies a day. We have the privilege to invest the resources of compassion in ourselves to mourn death, heal hurts, and learn from failures. What recovery tools do you use; counseling, friendship, laughter, prayer, exercise, meditation, reading, others?

How are you today?

Going Further: Where do you need to extend the gift of compassion? What is one step you will take?

What quote about compassion inspires you?

Much wisdom has proceeded our time and allowed us to stand on the shoulders of giants. What thinkers have inspired you to consider the way of compassion and incorporate the practice in your life?

"True compassion means not only feeling another's pain but also being moved to help relieve it." ― Daniel Goleman

"If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men." ― Francis of Assisi

"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation." ― Henry Ward Beecher

"Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace." ― Albert Schweitzer

"Compassion is a practically acquired knowledge, like dancing. You must do it and practice diligently day by day." ― Karen Armstrong

"The problem with compassion is that it is not photogenic." ― Sebastian Horsley

"Few things are so deadly as a misguided sense of compassion." ― Charles Colson

“Compassion is the radicalism of our time.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

"Sing for joy, O heavens, and exult, O earth;
break forth, O mountains, into singing!
For the Lord has comforted his people
and will have compassion on his afflicted." ― Isaiah 49:13

"True compassion, is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring." ― Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Man may dismiss compassion from his heart, but God never will.” ―
William Cowper

What quotes would you add to the list?

Why do you act on your compassion?

Our complexity is awe inspiring. We can be full of rage one moment and engage in selfless sacrifice the next. Let's camp out on the latter extreme for a moment.

What motivates you to act on behalf of another who has experienced misfortune?

Was it the example of Mom and Dad caring for those in the neighborhood? Mom set an extra spot at the dinner table because your friend's parents were going through a nasty divorce. Mom knew a bit of normalcy was needed to help your friend to get through the night. Dad fixed the air conditioning unit for the widow down the street and saved her the repair costs.

Have you been on the receiving end of compassion and looking to pay it forward. The teacher noticed your struggle and stayed late each night for the entire semester, to ensure you passed. The stranger that didn't hesitate to cover your grocery bill when you were a couple of bucks short.

Do your holy scriptures promise eternal gains for the compassionate effort? You recognize the immeasurable grace that has been received, and out of this overflow, you look to care for those you encounter. In light of this truth, the action is natural.

Are you counting on the boomerang of good karma to someday return? The idea of what comes around goes around holds out the promise that the compassionate investment today will yield the gifts at just the right moment. This cumulative effect will protect you from the falling piano or deliver the helpful tow truck driver that "just happened" to be driving by when you punctured a tire.

Not listed above?

What is your reason?

Compassion doesn't come free; it requires an investment of your resources. Just as we consult with our investment advisor before shifting our retirement nest egg, consider why you are investing your other resources. The good news is that investing in compassion will pay a substantial yield beyond dollars and cents.

Going Further: How many motives can you identify in your compassionate acts this year? How have your reasons changed since youth? What motivations did you pick up from others? What motive brings the most happiness? What compassionate actions deliver big results you can immediately see?

How can you encourage those released from prison?

The pen hovers over the simple square on the application and hesitates.

The chance of getting hired plummets, if the felony conviction box is checked yes.

Why aren't more questions asked, and boxes for checking?
Did you serve your time?
Were you legally released?
Are you done breaking the law?
Do you want to remain out of prison?
Do you want to contribute to society?
Have you renounced your previous lifestyle?
Do you want to better the world around you?
Do you want to serve the customers and help the company grow?
Are you going to beat the odds, break the cycle, and be counted among the 33% that don't wear handcuffs again?

Why can't all these yes's add up to more than the one box at the top?

600,000 incarcerated people will leave the prison walls behind and become our neighbors and co-workers this year. The stigma, shame, and mistrust of the waiting world contribute to the rearrest of two-thirds of all inmates.

I spoke with a friend a couple of weeks after he finished his prison sentence and beginning to rebuild a life. He admits he was guilty and has now served his time. A loving family and a small network of friends welcomed him home.

He recounted how well he has it compared to those that will follow him. He shuddered. Most return to nothing at best, and a world of temptation, at worst.

Growing up, TV taught me that the only people with tattoos were sailors and ex-cons. Times have changed. I'm a former sailor without tattoos, and my son just got inked with his fifth tattoo today. It has become harder to pick these returning neighbors out of a crowd.

While opening your basement as a half-way house is one end of the spectrum, it is time to re-evaluate how we care for these women and men who have paid their debt. It can start by looking into the eyes of a fellow imperfect human being, sincerely asking, "how are you?" and waiting for the response.

Going Further: What scares you about engaging someone who has been in prison? What informs this fear? Do you see them as a fellow human? What is one step you can take to reach out to a former prisoner that could use the help?

How has your ambition brought out the best in you?

What drove you to make changes? These changes may have been for the sake of humanity or closer to home through investment in your future or extra bucks for the family budget.

Did pursuit of your ambition cause you to forsake lesser things? Did you reject to the opportunity to play with the kids after school because piano practice had a stronger draw? Did you face your fear of public speaking when you pitched your startup to a group of investors?

Our ambitions and dreams have a way of revealing our fears or weaknesses, and giving us a chance to face them head on. Those bold innovators we read about in the business magazines have been willing to sacrifice, invest, and chase their dreams until success was within their grasp.

The frustrating part is that our journey may be similar but not identical. There is no guarantee that after 831 nights on a brother's basement couch, and hawking your dream, you will be mentioned as one of Oprah's favorite things.

Our story is our own. Pursuing the dream is ours and ours alone. 

I spent the day at Monticello, the beloved home of Thomas Jefferson the author of the Declaration of Independence. Surrounded by the Virginia mountainside, where he grew up, and informed by the view from his porch, his words are even more powerful. 

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." U.S. Declaration of Independence.

Jefferson was silent about any guarantee of achievement, only the right to pursue happiness. I would rather he finish the declaration to mandate I get what I want. However, the founding fathers understood the importance of the pursuit.

The dream, ambition, and pursuit are ours.

What have you learned from your journey in the pursuit of happiness? What have you learned about people? What have you learned about your perseverance? How has your character been refined? What eternal truths have solidified in your mind?

How does your ambition make a generous connection?

Who benefits from the fulfillment of your ambition?

Your generosity and willingness to make a connection vice a mere transaction will pay huge dividends, eventually. This mindset forces a change in primary metrics. Gone is the need to check for likes every 30 minutes.

I struggle with this shift. I am a product of now and addicted to the quick dopamine fix delivered by the positive affirmation.

Now the discussion turns to questioning how did my ambition help others. The focus is looking outward. What is the surprise and delight factor vice total dollars spent? How can we serve the need today and build trust for tomorrow?

Bridge cables work in unison and through multiple connection points to create a useful imposing structure that adds value. Multiple strands combine to make one cable and one connection. Each customer or fan interaction strengthens or weakens this connection by another strand.

The bridge requires every connection to keep your travel safe. You and I have a choice to pursue this same consistency or not.

How does the investment of your time on this project ensure connections are established?