Why do you change friends?

The promise of lifelong childhood friendships rarely last. This pledge, the secret handshakes, and stories of first love are set aside as our circle of friendship expands beyond our city block.

The pain is excruciating the first time we learn our best friend will be moving. A parent's new job, the need for a new school district, a divorce, or a thousand other reasons, never resolve the pain. Technology makes it easier to keep in touch, but if you are out-of-site, then out-of-mind follows. 

How do you define your circle of friends? 

- Is location a primary driver? A new school, new job, or new home?
- Does your financial situation support friendships you couldn't previously afford?
- Religious, political, or cultural affiliations often draw solid lines of who is in the circle of friendship and who would never be permitted.

How have you made new friends when there has been a change?

We have one life, a finite amount of time, and our friendships are our choice. Those who we choose to spend our time with, our most precious possession must be a blessing. 

Do you have a particular friend that steers you in a direction that is not healthy? Is it time for a change?

Hey you, remember, these inquiries are here for you!

174 posts into the Inquiry Of The Day (IOTD)365 project, almost at the 50% mark. My hope is that you are more comfortable reflecting on the daily inquiry. 

Status check. Have you (check all that apply)
Been encouraged?
Been challenged?
Been offended?
Discussed the content on a road trip or date night?
Been irritated?
Been inspired?
Laughed?
Taken a trip down memory lane?
Shared this site?
Used an inquiry to talk with others?
Reflected on an experience in a new light?
Been scared of your answer?
Called someone as a result of your answer?
Taken another action based on your answer?

How has this project helped you? The community will benefit from your answer in the comment section below.

The word on the street is that my writing is improving. I have been tempted to go back to clean up the earlier content but have chosen to leave it as is. This project is a learning process; there should be evidence of growth, and my inability to proofread through bleary eyes.

Thank-you for your investment in yourself and the IOTD365 community. The world is a better place when we are paying attention to how we see those around us and are willing to investigate our response.

Keep diving into the inquiries and make it a great week!

How has your organization changed you?

Shirley has been a carhop at the Keller's Drive-In hamburger joint, in Dallas Texas, for 51 years. I asked Shirley what kept her carhopping at Keller's so long, and she replied, "nothing changes and that's just the way I like it." Looking around this favorite local eatery, I had to agree; it didn't look like much had changed in 50 years.

The dream is to work with organizations that encourage delivering your best work via your gifts and talents. Rarely is it a perfect match and compromises are made to fit into the existing team. 

I respect those who have a healthy self-awareness; knowing their strengths and weaknesses. This awareness supports the ability to discern how to respond when asked to change and bend to the organizational needs. 

If the requested change is a skill worth learning and added to the professional toolbox, then it is worth pursuing change. If the new direction is not in alignment with the true self, a decision is in order. Do you compromise on your strengths or reject the decree, and go in a new direction? Author, Derek Sivers wrote that we should enthusiastically say "Hell Yes," or "No" to any decision. Sober self-awareness is a helpful guide.

I am an optimist and find joy in all kinds of work. Primarily focusing on the silver lining and how it could work out vice conducting a sober assessment of the opportunity. I can be slow to listen to self-awareness due to fear of missing out on the next rung of the ladder and attempt to be something I am not. 

Embracing a challenge and pursuing growth is good. Bending is ok, but contorting and breaking is painful.

The self-aware are comfortable with the uncertainty of pursuing meaningful change. Adhering to self-imposed boundaries offers the freedom to say "hell yes" or "no" with confidence.

Shirley has decided to live the life of a carhop, proficient in a job that offers little change and doesn't challenge her boundaries. I am getting better at discerning when to evolve, bend or pass. What is your story?

What happens to those outside the circle of trust?

Circles of trust start on the playground and extend to the boardroom. The playground cliques hurt feelings; in the workplace, productivity and creativity are stunted.

The org chart contains boxes representing people conducting important work. A massive cost of time and money is invested filling each box with a name. Justifying the position to the boss, critiquing the job description, recruiting, hiring, and onboarding is needed to fill the rectangle on the chart. The new hire dives-in, ready to help do the necessary heavy lifting and achieve the mission.

Seeds of mistrust are sown among the team members when an organization tolerates a "circle of trust" mentality. The team will struggle to gain access to the circle as us vs. them competitions heat up. As leaders, it is critical to ask; this the business legacy we are striving to build? What benefits do you expect with this methodology?

What hoops does the newbie have to jump through to prove her worthiness and gain access to the circle? Once in, there is always a danger of losing her status; a misspoken word in the morning meeting, quoting the wrong budget answer, wearing the wrong suit, or bravely pitching her edgy idea at the sales meeting. Living on the edge is exhausting.

The line of demarcation may have moved for some, and they found themselves outside the magic ring. This shift is a rude awakening. The rose-colored glasses have been shattered, because you know what happens inside the ring.

I have spent time on both sides of the line, and it is a soul crushing life to lead. On the inside of the circle, there is a need to measure up and to fit into some fuzzy standard. Living on the outside of the unique ring, you are marginalized, and ideas dismissed. Either way, the organization pays a great cost to maintain the defective environment.

The circle continues to tighten, restricting further admittance, encouraging tunnel vision, and groupthink takes hold. Diversity and innovation wait outside ready to contribute. The ego has won. This is not the future that must be chosen.

Going Further: How do you fight the temptation to build closed circles? How have you experienced the circle of trust within organizations and what were the pros/cons of the practice? What is one step you can do today to break open circles that exclude others? How would your organization be different if the circles of trust were opened?

What is your impact on the organizations tone?

Consider two aspects of this inquiry; when you are in the organization and when you are away.

During the vacation season, there was a noticeable shift in organizational tone when different team members were out of the office enjoying Summer fun. Business books will raise the question of how the reader influences others while in the office. The observation piqued my curiosity to consider what the office is like when I am not around and serves as a barometer of my influence.

My assumption is you desire to be a positive contributor to the mission objectives, grow the people around you and get paid. If you start your day with the mindset, "come hell or high water, my goals will be met, and the people don't matter," personal investigation of this inquiry is timely.

You will be hard pressed to find a book in your library that encourages back-stabbing, lying, gossiping, cheating, and hurting others to get ahead. Bestselling authors and organizational experts depend on similar tactics to enhance the individual and grow the team. Elements of the world-class team include producing a great product and a workforce committed to the mission and each other.

I want the office tone conducive to each member having the direction, structure, and freedom to maximize their gifts and talents to accomplish the objectives. There should be no fear of sharing bad news or mistakes, but a willingness to bring issues to light for resolution. The team must support each other, without office politics burying creativity or stunting learning and growth. Anything less reveals leadership gaps and must be addressed. Everyone impacts the organization for good or ill, and this responsibility is realized at every level.

How do things change when I am away? Is there more laughter? Are decisions made faster or slower? Does structure remain? Is the team empowered? How do they feel supported? Am I the bottleneck when away? Is each voice heard? Is everyone depended upon and held accountable for their work?

Asking these questions and getting honest answers is scary. Scarier yet is not asking and allowing the organization to flounder in dysfunction, with you and I as the reason.

For further reading: Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday

What resources do you apply to reading?

Before Amazon came along, I spent a lot of time and money in the bookstore. After Amazon came along, I would buy a cup of coffee at the bookstore and a lot of money at Amazon. Jeff Bezos's master plan flawlessly worked on me.

No matter the gift card stash, books cost money, and are an investment in your future self, and it is important. The thought that you could glean several years of life, instruction, enjoyment,and inspiration reading the words on a simple page, is enticing.

The time it takes to find the book can be merely a moment with a "1-click buy" on Amazon or a more detailed search of the local used bookstore. I have put out-of-print books on my Amazon wish list and waited several years for delivery.

The hard-earned cash that you spend with a quick swipe of your card or dropped on the counter openly proclaims what is important to you. Voting with the money you earned by trading your life for cash, to buy this book, loudly proclaims this collection of authors written words is a priority.

The moment of truth arrives as you open the cover and peruse the book, How we spend our time and the things we devote our attention to are a reflection of the person we have become. You get one life, and you have chosen to spend it with this collection of dead trees with some ink spread across the page.

As the back cover is closed and the first read is complete, a decision must be made; must you keep the book? Just as a grocery store only has room for a specific number of products, your library can only hold so many versions of the written world. My office bookcase is proof that I would rather error on the side of adding to the library vice giving away the resource.

The logical question to answer becomes, is it worth trading your money and precious life to read this author's words? I am grateful and humbled that you have made it this far in the post.

Going Further: What did you learn from these books? How did it meet your expectation? Will you read more from this author? How did the author surprise and delight you? 

What triggered reading a new genre?

I failed the class because I spent all my time reading books on the subject.

I was not excited about taking the required natural sciences course. It seemed to be the least of all the other evil options, and I figured it would be an easy class. I assumed the sustainability professor, would be a tree-hugging, granola-eating, hippie, suggesting the solution to the earth's woes, was to kill all the humans.

The course had an outsized impact on my life. Through the course, I learned about sustainable farming practices. How the farmer plants, harvests crops and lets the soil recover, has a significant impact on the quality of the crop, soil erosion, and the final profits.

The building's orientation on the land can influence the heating and cooling requirement. Strategic window placement and shades can make use of natural light throughout the year at no additional cost. Use of local building materials reduces the transportation burden and can lower construction costs.

These concepts were more about using design and resources wisely, and less about eradicating the humans.

Shortly after starting the online class; I spent all my free time reading anything within this previously ignored genre. Sadly, I lost my primary focus, went a bit too far, ignored the classroom assignments, and failed the class.

Following the course, I took a year break from school to learn and study this new world. You would have thought a thirty-something, working full-time, and paying for the class would know better. If you shake your head in bewilderment and say "some people's children," you would be right. The class was a breeze the second time around. I never found out if either professor were hippies, liked granola or had recently embraced a tree.

This unplanned excursion brought much joy as I learned these "new" concepts, ancient people groups had been using for thousands of years.

What are your genre trigger stories? 

Going Further: Do those involved know about this impact on your reading habits? It may be time to bring them in on the story and thank them. How are these genre's still represented on your reading list? What trigger story caused you to stop reading a genre? How do these changes encourage you about having a growth mindset?

How diverse is your reading diet?

Morgan Spurlock was in pretty rough shape at the end of Super Size Me. Mr. Spurlock restricted his diet to McDonald's food for 30 days and added 24 lbs.to his waistline in the process. Quite the achievement and sustainable if the goal is meet the Grim Reaper sooner rather than later. 

Attainment of the health pinnacle is through an intake of various healthy foods and functional physical exercise. Rejection of the simple processed Honey Bun carbs, calling from the cafeteria vending machine, is essential. Technology has not yet reduced our mental health to being a hard drive on the shelf. We must exercise our minds to keep them active and healthy until this perceived nirvana is achieved. Reading is a primary delivery system for mental stimulation.

It is no wonder that one of the Cleveland Clinic's 6 Pillars of Brain Health, does not include YouTube cat videos in the title.

I have my go-to genres where I spend the bulk of my time, and most categories are non-fiction. However, I have a growing appreciation of fiction. Dr. Al Mohler published his thoughts on the reading of books to ensure reading program diversity. I appreciate the intentionality he has applied to broadening his reading repertoire beyond his expected discipline.

I recently attended a local group meditation led by Tara Brach. During the visitor introduction and following meditation, I came away with an appreciation for a greater vocabulary. The discussion used language in ways I have not experienced, and it was refreshing. The good news is that you don't have to endure Washington DC traffic to reap the same rewards. Books can offer this same introduction and dialog, no matter where you call home.

Going Further: What are your predominant reading categories? When were these initially established? What prevents you from expanding the genres you read? How do you push your reading boundaries? What category was a brilliant surprise? What has been the greatest benefit of reading broadly?

Action Step: Recommend a favorite fiction book in the comments.

How do you curate your reading list?

You're missing out on the good stuff if your reading list is based on the clearance table at the Dollar Store. Not judging, but just saying.

I have met people that consume books quicker than eating a tic-tac and have no concept how they hold the information in their brain. I enjoy reading two or three books at a time, and it takes time for me to dwell with the concepts before moving on to the next book. Therefore, I need to cull the list of titles that hit the major reading lists if I am going to make good use of my reading time.

Maria Popova, Al Mohler, Derek Sivers, and Ryan Holiday fall into the category of voracious readers. These kind folks are also willing to regularly share the love, and their perspectives, on the written word they have devoured.

These reading lists cut across time and genres to deliver a "best of" list that goes beyond the New York Times or Amazon rankings. I have stumbled across recommendations that are out of print and require rooting through dusty bookshops hoping beyond hope; I will be the guy to find a copy.

How have these public reading lists impacted your personal reading list? What close friends enjoy the printed word, and provide recommendations? How have these close relationships influenced your reading diet?

Book publishers spend a significant amount of money, time and effort to focus your attention on the latest offerings. Authors hit the book signing circuit and do a round of podcasts to spread the word. It becomes a media blitzkrieg. What books have you bought as a result of this marketing frenzy? My most memorable response was hearing Peter Thiel speak following the launch of Zero to One. I find myself pondering several of his points every week.

Going Further? What recommendations have you disagreed with and why? What have you found to be a trustworthy source of books? What was a favorite recommendation? How have you expressed your gratitude to these list makers?

Who are your champions of nature?

First Lady, Lady Bird Johnson pushed for a billboard-free Capitol Beltway around Washington, DC. The roadways, to work, are filled with trees, vice billboards that are increasingly becoming jumbo screens of flashing lights. I benefit every day from Mrs. Johnson's vision, investment, and persistence from 1968.

History is full of people that have given their all to promote the preservation of the natural world. How do you connect-the-dots between the work these hero's achieved, and your life? It is easy to say Rachel Carson's book; Silent Spring made an impact, but how does it directly affect your life today?

I discovered the work of Frederick Law Olmsted, the father of American landscape architecture, nearly twenty years ago. His genius used trees, bushes, plants, water, and architecture to construct public and private venues for the enjoyment of nature. His commitment to preserving the natural landscape and using his talents only to change what is necessary.

Olmsted and Calvert Vaux collaborated to build New York's Central Park and were most pleased with the assessment of New York Tribune editor, Horace Greeley. He assessed the newly opened public space and commented: "Well, they have let it alone a good deal more than I thought they would." Olmsted's fingerprints are on many of the most significant works built during his lifetime.

Olmsted designed the US Capitol grounds and influenced the design of the Capital building itself. In Genius of Place, biographer Justin Martin, wrote: "his design was also meticulous, packed with thoughtful little surprises." Olmsted designed the Summerhouse, a small way station for visitors to take a respite from the Washington heat and enjoy a drink in the shade.

I have toured many of Olmsted's works and appreciate his dedication to enhancing the beauty of the space. The photo above is one of the Summerhouse details and was taken on my inaugural photo trip around Washington to support my creative effort that has resulted in this IOTD365 project. 

Dots connected. 

Your turn; this work can range from those changing the world on a massive scale to those that established an urban garden plot. Take a moment to do the heavy lifting and connect-the-dots for those that have impacted your life.

Going Further: Who's work in nature are you most grateful? Who's practices do you think are misguided? What is one element of their mostly misguided work, was done well? Who is someone that is currently doing work to influence nature, that has much promise?

What was a childhood dream of encountering nature?

A friend was retelling his first encounter with glaciers. He was awestruck by the magnitude of these frozen sheets of ice. He would describe seeing a crevasse and thinking it was large, but then he realized the fissure dwarfed the giant people mover. To consider this ice before him was hundreds if not even thousands of years old, boggled his mind. He tried to describe the hues of blue as the light hit the glacier from different angles, but our vocabulary doesn't include the words to capture the beauty. He had been waiting a lifetime to experience this encounter with nature and discovered it was worth the wait.

My father owned a tour company while I was growing up and I would often ride-along with him. One particular memory of a dream to encounter nature going wrong was with a group of Japanese tourists coming to visit the Grand Canyon. Visiting this National Park was to be the highlight of their trip to the US. Sadly, the day of their visit, the canyon was socked in with clouds. As we stood on the canyon rim and looked out, it looked like someone filled the chasm with cotton balls. My father had many talents as a tour guide, but cleaning the clouds out of the Grand Canyon, was not one of them.

What did you want to see or touch?

What did you envision as a child? Did you want to pet a snake, ride a submarine to the bottom of the ocean, swim with dolphins, walk on Mars, swing with monkeys, ride a horse on the beach, climb El Capitan, or steal the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?

The purpose of our dreams is to spur us to action when we awake. Pursuing these childhood desires allows us to unearth our earliest memories for our interests and draw from who we were before the responsibilities of life squashed our ideas of what is possible. Start digging and make a dream come true!

Going Further? What nature dreams have you realized? Was the experience as you anticipated? What surprised you about your experience? What experiences do you have yet to accomplish? What stops you from pursuing and what is one step to overcome? Will virtual reality get you closer to achieving your childhood dream?

What is your favorite story of encountering nature?

Nobody died. I don't know what kind of snake it was, but my words were firm, and the tone was clear when I gave my wife specific direction to back out of the rocks. The kids had already skipped ahead through the rocks to get to the West Virginia river. Just as my lovely bride was going to take her turn, I saw the snake coiled inches from the stepping stones. She heard my tone and backed out without question. 

Meru was the last movie I watched about engaging the natural world and was on the edge of my seat for the entire show. The documentary follows Conrad Anker (@conrad_anker), Jimmy Chin (@jimmy_chin), and Renan Ozturk (@renan_ozturk) as they seek a first ascent on the Sharks Fin on Mount Meru in Northern India. The bitter conditions and the staggering footage kept my cortisol pumping and solidified my respect for those that pursue this sport.

Laura Hillenbrand's, Unbroken, the story of Louis Zamperini was a quick read. The to-do list was put on hold once I started reading his story of survival through such difficult circumstances. The torture and persecution would have been unbearable, but the brutal weather layered on top of everything else, was unbelievable.

What is on your list? Camp as a kid, family vacations, military service, life as a vagabond, hunting trip?

I have been so insulated living in suburbia for so many years, that I was never really able to get comfortable doing a solo walk through the woods last year. The only threat were gray squirrels looking for acorns and a random mosquito. I have been working out; I could have taken them if my life depended on it. My need for unsupervised time in nature is evident.

Live dangerously, brave the gray squirrels, and tell your story in the comments below.

How has the natural world surprised you?

The Spanish moss hung from nearly every tree branch of particular trees. The blue heron knew exactly when the tide would push fish into the enclosure to deliver an easy meal. The branches of the Angel Oak extended farther than I have ever witnessed. These were three surprises the natural world offered during my recent trip to Charleston, South Carolina.

A friend offered as many giant expired sunflowers as I was willing to take if I would hang them in my yard. The Yellow Finch are starting their 3,000-mile migration and eat three times their body weight each day during the trip. I learned all I had to do, was to hang the large wilted flowers in the yard and the traveling birds would find them on their own. No blog post, tweets or neon signs are required.

Climbing the road from San Francisco to Lake Tahoe, I literally caught my breath as we took a turn and looked down the mountainside into the valley. The view was astounding.

What are your recent discoveries about the natural world around you? The circle of life is always in motion, and change is happening. We didn't notice each successive ring on the tree but surprised to see that it has grown around a bench. The stream continues to run, and eventually, the erosion catches our eye and when the ravine appears. The intricate parts of the flower and the juice sacs of the blood orange are amazing structures of beauty, once we take the time to look.

The circle of life continues to swirl, causing constant change; how are you observing these changes?

Going Further: What is your earliest memory of learning about the natural world? How do you prioritize time to engage with nature? 

How does your dream provide service?

I know you want food on the table, kids in college and a little bling on the finger, but how does fulfillment of your dream serve others? Does realizing your dream primarily build the empire for you or does it have a primary mission to provide service to others and fulfill your dream along the way?

This inquiry surfaced when Tim Ferriss discussed life lessons with Shep Gordon, an influential manager to many in the entertainment and celebrity chef worlds. He has been near to the famous and those that have lost their way during the last half century.

Shep sees his life as a manager, as a way to serve his clients and fulfill the vision they have for their career. He has resisted the temptation to make his career primarily about his success, but recognized serving was the way to make the greatest impact.

You pour creativity and innovative energy into the vision you have that will change your world. The blood, sweat and tears, late nights, and missing the kid's sports games to turn this dream into a tangible asset you can hold in your hands. The sacrifice is real, as you juggle the responsibilities of life with those you love and the lives you seek to impact the lives at the other end of the Internet.

The time spent in penthouses and fancy cars is no doubt fun, but the opportunity to significantly impact another life is an awesome privilege. If you are reading this, you qualify as one that can impact lives through love, care, empathy, and service.

In your pursuit of making a positive impact in the lives of those around you, you will be taken advantage of, and you will be wronged. This doesn't mean it is not worth the risk. The privilege that comes with the opportunity to pursue and realize our dreams is great and must be used for good.

Going Further: Is service part of your dream? How can service be realized while pursuing the dream? How do you intend to provide service to others through realizing your dream? What is the worst and best outcome on others when your dream is realized? How will you tip the scales for the best outcome? What question was missed?

How do you encourage others to achieve their potential?

Don't believe the hype! I can't be anything I want to be; I will not be winning any Olympic gold medals in gymnastics. However, with the help of Coach Sommers at Gymnastic Bodies @gymnasticbodies or the team at Sports Fitness Advisor, I have a chance at making some seemingly incredible gymnastic moves given the time and effort. A coach goes a long way to bring specific encouragement, but what does it look like for those that we live with, work with, or bump into each day in the line for coffee?

This goes deeper than encouraging your buddy to down the entire Solo cup in one gulp. Encouragement is in short supply, and it is needed now more than ever. The FaceBook craze of tagging a friend to do 22 days of pushups to bring awareness to the loss of 22 veterans a day due to suicide is a recent indicator of the epidemic. 

Do you count yourself among those strong silent types that are not much for words? Expecting your kids to be at your bedside to hear your last words and the first time they hear "I love you, and I'm proud of you," may be a losing bet. You are going to get a bigger bang for the buck telling them now and being conscious of hearing their "thank-you."

Effective encouragement is specific. Telling a co-worker the pitch went "great" leaves plenty of encouragement left on the table. Telling her, "the preparation paid off, the customer fully understood all the elements of the pitch and as a result of her effort, they filed a purchase order," is far more memorable and meaningful than just hearing "great." 

Warning, grasping this concept is like learning that Santa Claus is not real. When you receive a weak encouragement, it doesn't resonate, but when a specific encouragement is delivered, and it received as intended, it will provide courage for the future and help those encouraged to soar. What happened this week, where you can provide specific encouragement?

Going Further: Who gives specific encouragement to you? How have you experienced the difference between general and specific encouragement? What kind of encouragement do you provide? What can you change to start providing specific encouragement? What observations do you have about encouragement?